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Tag: tv-recap

  • ‘Moon Knight’ Episode 6 Recap

    Oscar Isaac and Ethan Hawke
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Moon Knight and Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Last week’s episode ended with us in paradise, welcome to the season finale of ‘Moon Knight’.

    We open on Marc being dragged out of the pool by Arthur’s men, who place the scarab on his chest and leave. Only for it to be picked up by Layla. Arthur is stopped, and we witness Ammit’s power. Layla goes to kill him, only to be held back by Tawaret taking over her body to tell her she needs to break Khonshu’s statue to bring Marc back.

    Harrow breaks into the vault of the gods, getting into a fight with the other avatars and defeating them. He breaks the statue, releasing Ammit back into the world. The goddess asks who brought her back and mentions that Arthur’s scales “lack balance.” Layla also finds and destroys Khonshu’s prison, releasing him. She refuses to become his avatar, only agreeing to help if they can work together.

    We cut to Marc in the afterlife being told his scales are balanced. Tawaret explains to him that his afterlife is everything he wanted. Sensing it isn’t right, he tells the goddess they need to get Steven back. Marc runs the other direction and paradise instantly fades. Marc finds Steven buried in the sands, and finally admits he saved him. Apologizing that he couldn’t protect him, all as Marc slowly turns to stone.

    The golden door opens and the two of them come back. Tawaret helps Marc and Steven get back to the world of the living while Khonshu and Ammit fight in the Vault. Khonshu senses them returning and inhabits Marc’s body again. He now must talk to both Steven and Marc, and they strike up a deal. They will be his avatar, but once Ammit is gone, they will be freed.

    Khonshu (voiced by F. Murray Abraham)
    Khonshu (voiced by F. Murray Abraham) in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight,’ exclusively on Disney+. Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Layla learns how to trap Ammit, but she needs more avatars. Without even words, it’s revealed she’s accepted Tawaret’s offer for help. Arthur makes it to the top of the great pyramid, now working as Ammit’s avatar, eating the souls of the unworthy.

    Marc & Steven make it in time, and their fight with Arthur shows how the two of them both have control over the Moon Knight power. Layla appears just as Arthur is about to get the upper hand, looking nearly as powerful as they are, and is the Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the Scarlet Scarab.

    Layla saves a car full of people from Arthur and is asked if she’s an Egyptian superhero. In a very moving, but quick scene, she hastily replies, “Yes.” Arthur gets the better of Marc, same as Ammit with Khonshu. It seems Marc’s about to lose before he blacks out, waking up to Arthur nearly dead beneath him. Once again, it wasn’t him or Steven who did it!

    They take Arthur back and return Ammit to his body as a prison. Khonshu tries to get Marc to kill the body and Layla tells him to stop. He sides with Layla, telling the moon god to release them.

    Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector and Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector and Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight,’ exclusively on Disney+. Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Steven is shown back in the white room with the doctor. He asks the doctor if he believes gods are real, to which he responds, “No.” Marc returns to tell him “What if we disagree?” The doctor walks away bleeding, and Marc and Steven team-up  to escape their personal afterlife. Marc wakes up back in Steven’s apartment, with two of everything, including goldfish. And that’s the end!

    Now before we touch on anything else in the episode, let’s discuss that end-credit scene.

    We’re shown Arthur is now in a mental hospital, really, this isn’t a dream. He’s shown being led away by a man in black, and is taken out to a white car, passing the bodies of killed nurses. He gets thrown into the car and is shown Khonshu in a very fancy suit. He explains that Marc truly thought he left, and that the god needs an avatar strong enough to do his work and not be afraid to get their hands dirty. But that isn’t Marc or Steven.

    The god Knocks on the windows, and we’re introduce to Jake Lockley, another alter of Marc’s and the cause of the blackouts. He aims a gun at Arthur, and fires, presumably killing him, and drives off. So ‘Moon Knight’ finally gives us Jake Lockley, but only in the post-credit’s scene. And that, this whole time, it is implied Jake was Khonshu’s avatar. Almost like Marc and Steven were borrowing the powers for themselves.

    This version of Lockley is a bit different; we’re obviously shown him more brutal, almost gleefully killing Arthur at the end. In the comics, Lockley was a taxi driver, basically Moon Knight’s ears to the ground. He would gather info on targets, but he was never seen as a killer. So, it’s very interesting where they’re taking the character in the future!

    Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector
    Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight,’ exclusively on Disney+. Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Now, for my verdict. How did Marvel do with ‘Moon Knight’? Well, in my opinion, there was way more highs than there were lows. While the show was plagued with Marvel’s telltale CGI fights and spectacles, especially in this last episode, there was plenty of heart and emotion.

    A lot of that praise can be placed on Oscar Isaac for absolutely killing it as Marc, Steven and now Jake. He gave a crazy different performance for each character and seeing him switch between two personalities near the end of this last episode blew me away. I would easily put him up there with the likes of Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Hemsworth as fantastic Marvel character casting.

    Ethan Hawke plays a very interesting villain, but he weirdly starts off incredibly scary in my opinion but then eventually…is less menacing? At least, he doesn’t stay as threatening as the show puts him up to be, which can be chocked up to Moon Knight himself being way deadlier. I guess I just wanted more of Harrow as a villain. On the outside, he’s a creepy cult leader that is reminiscent of real life evil, but as the show progresses, I just didn’t feel that at the end of the series.

    But, even with all the flaws ‘Moon Knight’ had, it’s still one of my favorite series set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I cannot wait to see where the hero goes in the future, and if Layla will ever return in her superhero form.

    Oscar Isaac as Moon Knight
    Oscar Isaac as Moon Knight in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight,’ exclusively on Disney+. Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • ‘Moon Knight’ Episode 4 Recap

    Oscar Isaac and May Calamawy
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant and May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Csaba Aknay. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Hope you’re all ready for more action, because episode 4 of ‘Moon Knight’ is here!

    We open on one of the avatars carrying Khonshu’s statue to a pedestal that holds many other gods, like a prison. We see Layla trying to wake up Marc while also being shot at. Arthur’s men are looking for survivors, only to be stopped by Layla who distracts them and sets the truck off and destroys it. It’s revealed Steven is alive, and they head to the tomb.

    On the way, Layla tells Steven they need Marc. He explains that the two of them made a pact; when Khonshu was gone, Steven got the body. An argument breaks out between Steven and Layla and they move to foot, finding the cult (who are already inside) the tomb.

    As they ransack the camp, Marc and Steven have more of a conversation. They talk about how Marc can’t really go away and have one more argument before splitting up. Steven meets up with Layla and finally explains why Marc was so nervous, how Khonshu wanted her for his avatar, and how Marc wanted to protect her.

    She explains she doesn’t need protection and Steven kisses her (once again, odd) and the two zip down, but not before Marc punches Steven in the face. Layla brings up her father again and the two descend into the cave.

    Oscar Isaac and May Calamawy walking through dessert
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant and May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Csaba Aknay. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    They descend further only to find bullets in the sand. Something is out there. Steven discovers the tomb is a maze and finds where the inner tomb is, and that the Pharaoh was Ammit’s avatar. They find an alter for human sacrifice, covered in blood and viscera. Steven goes to the ceiling to find an exit and they are stopped by gunfire.

    It’s revealed the creature being shot at was a literal mummy, disemboweling people in the old ways. ‘Moon Knight’, in the span of a week, has gone from superhero action to flat out horror.

    The monster spots Steven, who separates from Layla, the latter crossing a deadly cavern. Another mummy tries to grab her, and she barely escapes, and a literal horror movie fight ensues. Layla throws it off the cliff and barely climbs back up.

    Across the way, she spots Arthur. Steven finds the tomb, excited out of his mind only for Marc to confront him about kissing his wife and telling her the truth. Steven cuts him off, going through the tomb and realizing they might have found Alexander the Great.

    The Heka Priest in 'Moon Knight.'
    The Heka Priest in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight,’ exclusively on Disney+. Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    “Why must men like you have to be so condescending.” Layla insults Arthur before the man tries to get in her head, talking about her Father and the fact he believed that the gods were real.

    We cut to Steven and Marc opening the tomb to try and find the artifact. He believes since Alexander was the mouth of Ammit, there’s only one place where it could be. Arthur continues to test Layla, claiming Marc was the one who killed her father.

    Marc finds the statue of Ammit, and Layla finds him. It seems like Arthur has gotten in her head, and she forces Marc to tell her what happened. He’s adamant that he didn’t kill her father but admits he was there. Layla asks how he died, and Marc says his partner killed everyone at the site.

    This isn’t good enough for Layla, and he reveals his partner also shot him, which led to Khonshu. This is how Layla and Marc met. Arthur’s men invade the room. Marc kills the cult members, only for Arthur to shoot Marc square in the chest twice. Killing him.

    Okay, things are getting weird. We’re shown what looks like a late 80s/early 90s ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark‘ type movie featuring a character named Steven Grant! A white room is revealed, it’s an insane asylum and we see a woman drawing a bird with Khonshu’s head, as well as Marc, looking totally out of it.

    May Calamawy and Oscar Isaac in a tomb
    (L-R): May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly and Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    The woman is Layla, and she offers to help him, though it’s “not really her.” Could this be a weird afterlife maybe? Marc tries to get up and falls, revealing a little Moon Knight action figure by his side.

    It cuts to Steven talking to who we can assume is a therapist, and it’s Arthur! (Looking shockingly like Ethan Hawke’s character in ‘The Black Phone’.) Explaining how Marc is indeed unwell and needs their help.

    The room looks familiar. Pillars of an old tomb, organ jars, God statues. It’s like a personal hell. Marc escapes and fights off the people trying to sedate him. It’s clear something isn’t right.

    Marc runs and locks himself in a room with a coffin that has someone locked in it screaming, only for it to be Steven. The two reunite and hug. Marc asks him what he remembers, and the two realize they haven’t gone crazy.

    They pass another coffin, staring at it, and suspiciously walk by. The door is open to a large, anthropologic Hippo who greets them … warmly and kindly? The episode then ends.

    Oscar Isaac and Ethan Hawke in a tomb
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant and Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Csaba Aknay. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    So, a lot just happened. First, let’s cover the two name drops in the episode. In the comics, Marc’s partner is Raul Bushman. It’s right to assume that was the man who killed Layla’s father and set everything with Khonshu into motion. Layla’s father on the other hand, in the show, is the equivalent of Peter Alraune, who is Marlene’s father in the comics (Marc’s girlfriend).

    Now for the two major characters we have hinted at in the final scenes. We have a good idea who’s in that third coffin, and it’s most likely Jake Lockley. Another one of Marc’s alters, Jake is a cab driver and a more “boots on the ground” type of guy. We’ve already seen hints of him in episode 3, and it would be weird for the show to only include Steven and not Jake.

    Finally, the Hippo goddess at the end. Her name is Taweret, and in Egyptian myth she was a benevolent god of protection, specifically in fertility and childbirth. But outside of that, she was always the goddess who protected souls as they took the ferry to the afterlife. Which confirms to us where Marc and Steven could be…

    Episode 4 was an insane trip, and we’ll see where that it takes us in the last two episodes of the series! See you all next week!

    'Moon Knight' premieres March 30th on Disney+.
    ‘Moon Knight’ premieres March 30th on Disney+.

  • ‘Moon Knight’ Episode 3 Recap

    May Calamawy and Oscar Isaac
    (L-R): May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly and Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    ‘Moon Knight’ episode 3 opens with Layla getting herself a fake ID. We’re told she hasn’t been back to Egypt in a while, and that her father was involved in a dig site. It’s implied that Layla is not safe on her trip.

    Cut to Arthur Harrow scouring the Egyptian desert and finding Ammit’s tomb. He knows Marc is there, but it doesn’t matter to him. Marc is seen chasing after someone, an informant who knows about the dig site, only for him to get murdered by two of Harrow’s men.

    A fight ensues, and before Marc can kill them – Steven stops “him.” But then Moon Knight continues to fight and brutally murders the other men. It is hinted at that neither Marc nor Steven are controlling the hero at the time, leaving the possibility of a third alter.

    Khonshu blocks out the sun, the god claiming it’s a “sign none of them could ignore.” He tells Steven the avatars are gathering, and that the last time he was seen by the gods, he was banished. A gate opens up, and Marc is allowed into the gathering.

    Oscar Isaac and Ethan Hawke
    (L-R): Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant and Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Gabor Kotschy. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    He’s welcomed by another avatar, and their bodies are slowly taken over by the other Egyptian gods, and Khonshu calls them to judge Harrow. He’s summoned, and Harrow instantly begins to lie, claiming the moon god was the one to find Ammit’s tomb.

    Harrow begins to use Marc’s disorder against him. Claiming he doesn’t know his own name, and knowing about his other alters. The gods asked to speak to Marc, and while he doesn’t deny being ‘unwell,’ he still tries to get them to see his point of view, but due to Khonshu’s reputation, the other gods excuse him and go off.

    But a woman, who was the avatar of a goddess, explains one person knew about Ammit’s tomb, but their own sarcophagus was sold on the black market. Marc instantly goes to find it, only to be intercepted by Layla and begrudgingly excepts her help.

    Layla tells him that she’s aware of where the body is, and a touching scene occurs, where we get more backstory on Marc. It was only recently that he had begun losing “control” of Steven and allowing him to take over, with no further details given.

    May Calamawy and Gaspard Ulliel
    (L-R): May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly and Gaspard Ulliel as Anton Mogart in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo by Csaba Aknay. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Marc and Layla go to meet the black-market dealer, Anton (Gaspard Ulliel), who has the sarcophagus. While he claims to be a collector, it’s obvious that he is one sketchy guy. They find the coffin, while Marc and Steven talk about ‘unlocking’ the sarcophagus. They get into a fight, Steven begging to take over but Marc keeping him at bay.

    Steven begins to explain to Marc the puzzle, only for the arms dealer to stop him. Harrow then shows up and tries to get Anton to take his side. He starts to convince everyone to turn against one another, including Layla on Marc because of her father’s death and the fact that he has been lying to her about it.

    Then all hell breaks loose. Khonshu yells at Marc to summon the suit, and Harrow destroys the sarcophagus. We then get what is probably the coolest fight scene in the show so far. Specter in the full suit kicking ass, while also having Steven at the same time trying to stop the violence.

    Of course, he breaks through, changing to Steven. It’s a matter of seconds before he’s literally impaled and yelling for Marc to take over. He gets held down, Layla’s hurt, and that causes Marc to go berserk and kill everyone.

    Oscar Isaac in 'Moon Knight.'
    Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    The two of them escape, and Layla begins to question Marc about what Harrow brought up. He promises Layla that what he said wasn’t true. But Marc doesn’t deny the fact that she truly doesn’t know him as they drive into the desert.

    Marc and Layla attempt to put together the pieces from the coffin. She tells him they need Steven’s help. But Khonshu claims the alter won’t give Marc the body back. He grumbles about it but walks away, letting Steven take over.

    He explains how ancient Egyptians used both sun and the stars to navigate the desert. Steven finishes the destroyed piece, and explains why the stars won’t help them, but Khonshu says he knows where the stars were the night of the burial. “I remember every night.” He drawls and explains he can turn back the stars to that night. But that it would come at a cost.

    Steven and Khonshu begin to turn back the sky like a clock. It’s a gorgeous sequence, and quiet honestly, one of my personal favorites in this cinematic universe thus far. The two of them change the constellations back to where they were in the past.

    Khonshu (voiced by F. Murray Abraham) in 'Moon Knight.'
    Khonshu (voiced by F. Murray Abraham) in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Khonshu is imprisoned by the other gods for obviously breaking multiple rules he wasn’t supposed to. The god and his power fade away, trapped in a stone. Marc will now most likely die, as Khonshu was keeping him alive.

    We’re shown Harrow led to the gods chamber by one of the avatars. Harrow speaks with the statue, explaining how he was glad that Khonshu let him go when he did. He claims he owes everything to the god, and the episode ends.

    So, we learned a couple of important things from this episode. The first one is that the other gods do exist. We meet them for the first time, even if we only see them as their avatars. There is no confirmation that the gods are actually gods (and not weird celestials like they are in the comics), but we finally know they do exist in this world and it’s not just Khonshu. What this could mean for the future isn’t know, but this confirms that it’s not just the Greek gods that rule in place of heroes and celestials.

    One scene from the episode that should be important is Khonshu changing the sky. It’s showed prominently in the show that everyone saw the sky changing. Not just Layla and Steven. What am I getting at with this? Well, ‘Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness’ releases on May 5th, and the last episode of ‘Moon Knight’ releases on May 4th … so are we going to see Doctor Strange in ‘Moon Knight?’

    Benedict Cumberbatch in 'Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness' from Marvel Studios.
    Benedict Cumberbatch in ‘Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness’ from Marvel Studios.

    Next to Wanda Maximoff & the Sorcerer Supreme, Marc Specter is the next main magic user in the MCU. While not fully magical himself, he fits the bill. Strange would see the stars changing and want answers, and it would be a great way to connect the Disney+ series to the timeline (even if Oscar Isaac has been on record saying the show is “disconnected” from the movies.)

    Another major Easter egg that showed up in this episode was the name drop of Madripoor. While it’s been mentioned before, it was first shown in ‘The Falcon & the Winter Soldier’ and later in ‘Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings’. Madripoor is basically the MCU’s version of the black market. That’s where the cage match in ‘Shang-Chi’ took place, and where Sharon Carter calls herself the Power Broker. It would make sense Layla & Anton would make deals on artifacts in Madripoor.

    Once again, Marvel gives us another great episode. With a mixture of both character drama and action, we can only guess where the next few take us.

    See you next week!

    May Calamawy and Oscar Isaac
    (L-R): May Calamawy as Layla El-Faouly and Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector/Steven Grant in Marvel Studios’ ‘Moon Knight.’ Photo courtesy of Marvel Studios. ©Marvel Studios 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Jon Snow Watch Ends, Stark Watch Begins

    And now his watch has ended. RIP, Shaggydog.

    In “Game of Thrones” Season 6, Episode 3, “Oathbreaker,” Jon Snow quit the post he took an oath to keep for life, saying his watch as Lord Commander had ended. Because Jon Snow is dead. So who is he now? It’s a loaded question. It’s a very important question. And it’s a question that only just started to be addressed in this big bad tease of an episode.

    Jon kept the job just long enough to see the people who stabbed him to death be hanged to death, with little hope of being resurrected. (Pause for an unpopular opinion: Olly was a traitor for helping to kill Jon, but the wildlings killed his entire family and it’s understandable that he felt betrayed by Jon supporting them. Olly, I get you. Everyone else can go ahead and get mad.)


    Is Jon Azor Ahai, as Melisandre now hopes/suspects? SPOILER AND SPECULATION-loving book readers thought maybe this would FINALLY be the week where R + L = J was confirmed, but instead it was just teased with a first flashback to the Tower of Joy, where younger Ned Stark, Howland Reed, and friends went to rescue Lyanna Stark. Bran Stark shouted for his father, and it was heard through time. Now that is power. But the confirmation hasn’t come yet. So Jon Snow still knows nothing, and the audience can still confirm nothing. (But we know. We know.)

    Jon Snow quit his post just in time for Rickon Stark and Osha to reappear for the first time since Season 3. Here’s how they looked the last time we saw them:


    Here’s a dark look at them now:


    They — and poor sweet Shaggydog — were victims of oathbreakers this week as well, with the Umbers selling out the youngest Stark to (of all the damn people) Ramsay Bolton. So here we go again. In a way, Jon is partly to blame, since Umber was ticked about Jon letting the wildlings go south of The Wall into Umber lands. But hey, now that Jon has time on his hands, maybe he can swing down to Winterfell, connect with his half-sister (OR IS SHE) Sansa Stark and they can save the day. #SnowBowl


    Other stuff happened this week, but — sorry — nothing terribly important. Gilly and Sam made their first appearance, and Arya Stark is no longer blind, which is good. But that storyline is dragging so much it doesn’t really feel like a win, especially when we really just want Arya to jump in on this Winterfell fight in Westeros. Tip: Your real family needs you. You are not No One. And neither is Jon “Snow”…

    By the way, fans shouldn’t let this Azor Ahai stuff put Daenerys Targaryen in a corner. Dany is still the full-blooded Targaryen who has proven, by fire, that she is a true dragon. She also turned dragon eggs into real dragons; conquered kingdoms; stole an army; freed slaves; and did NOT get herself killed even once, despite many attempts. She should be riding Drogon, the largest dragon, across The Wall when it’s time for Dany, Jon, and (Tyrion?) to fulfill the destiny of “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

    Read on for a recap of Episode 3:

    THE MAP: Why did the map show Pyke this week? There were no stories in the Iron Islands.

    THE WALL
    Davos was the one who asked Melisandre to try and revive Jon Snow, so out of everyone he should be least shocked that it worked. Poor Shireen, though, that no one tried to revive her. Jon is naked as he awakes, which has to be slightly awkward, although if you’re back from the dead you probably don’t return with much insecurity. Davos asks Jon what he remembers. “They stabbed me. Olly.” Put a knife in his heart. “I shouldn’t be here.” Melisandre wants to know where he went and what he saw after death. “Nothing. There was nothing at all.” Well, that’s a downer. Mel said the Lord of Light brought him back for a reason. Stannis was not the prince who was promised, but someone has to be.

    OK, but does it have to be Jon, does it have to be a dude at all, or could it be Daenerys Targaryen? Has Mel even heard of the dragon queen, ’cause you’d think she’d be all over those signs. Davos thinks it’s completely f –king mad that Jon was dead and now he’s back. But now he’s here and he has to fight for as long as he can. Jon says he doesn’t know how. He tried and failed. Davos: “Good. Now go fail again.” But no! Don’t die again, ’cause you don’t want to be the new Beric Dondarrion. Jon walks through the wildlings, who apparently think Jon is some kind of god. Jesus walks. Jon says he’s not a god and Tormund drops a classic line: “I know. I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?” BURN. Edd hugs Jon, says his eyes are still brown, so he’s still in there. He’s not a White Walker or anything, so that’s a start.

    At the end of the episode, we return to watch the hangings of the four men who killed Jon. He asks each one for final words. Alliser Thorne is still salty to “Lord Snow,” but Olly says nothing. Jon wields the sword himself, to cut the rope that hangs them all at the same time.

    Then he takes off his cape. He gives it to Edd. “Wear it. Burn it. Whatever you want. You have Castle Black. My watch has ended.” Drop that mic! He walks out.

    SAM + GILLY
    We finally check in on Sam and Gilly, who are sailing to Oldtown. As you might expect, Sam is not a great sailor and gets seasick in the storm. Sam upchucks, and Gilly says she’s excited to see Oldtown. Sam reminds her that The Citadel doesn’t allow women, or babies, and there’s no one there to help bend the rules. Sam says he’s going to take her to his family home in Horn Hill. So we’re going to meet the Tarlys! His mom and sister are nice, which is a pretty strong hint that his father and brother are going to be pains in the butt. Gilly isn’t happy about this, but oh well.

    BRAN’S FLASHBACK
    We see a group riding to a tower. There are men in Targaryen armor. Is this Ser Arthur Dayne? Yes. The Sword of the Morning. It’s the Tower of Joy flashback, with Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven watching younger Ned, and Meera’s father Howland Reed. Team Robert vs. Team Rhaegar. Rhaegar is already dead at this point; the prince asked Dayne to stay there and protect Lyanna. Dayne: “And now it begins.” Stark: “No, now it ends.” Sadly for us, it only does just begin. We get to see the cool battle, Dayne taking on several fighters with two swords. Bran says Dayne is better than his father, but he knows his father beat him ’cause he’s heard the story a thousand times. But we see that Stark was going to die when Howland Reed stabbed Dayne in the back to save Ned, then Ned chopped off Dayne’s head. We hear a scream from the tower. Bran wants to follow, even though the Raven says it’s time to go, for now. Bran calls “Father!” and Ned turns. He heard? What powers does Ned have, too? The Raven doesn’t want Bran to spend too long in the past. “Stay too long where you don’t belong and you’ll never return.” Have you seen the fan theory about Hodor, that he was a warg who stayed too long in a horse? It’s crazy, but sounds reasonable, too. You may have seen the Meera theory, too. Was hoping for that to be settled today, but nope. Just a tease. Bran and the Raven argue. Before Bran leaves, he must learn — everything.

    DANY + THE DOTHRAKI
    Dany + The Dothraki sounds like a great band name. Just throwing that out there. She is taken to Vaes Dothrak and stripped. People are forever stripping poor Dany. They give her new clothes. They are unimpressed with her story, since they knew it. The lead crone of the dosh khaleen, widow of a great khal herself, tells Dany she was supposed to join them after Drogo died. Apparently Dany is going to be judged by the group to determine whether she gets to stay there. Please just move on from this quickly, it’s not terribly exciting.

    MEEREEN
    Varys fans himself at the foot of the throne, and talks to a woman he summoned. This is the woman who worked with the Sons of the Harpy to have Unsullied killed. She thinks she’s there to be tortured. His job is to find the right answers, not the wrong ones, which he does by making people happy. This woman is Valla? He knows who she is and what she’s done. Varys does his spider work, trying to win her over/threaten her onto his side. She has a son and he’s using that against her. “Children are blameless. I have never hurt them.” Hmmm. She did conspire to kill the queen’s soldiers, and she knows the punishment for that crime. She says either Varys will kill her or the Sons of the Harpy will. Varys offers a third option: A ship leaving tomorrow for Pentos. She needs to decide now. A new life for her and her son, or… Well played, Varys.

    Separately, we see Tyrion sit with Missandei and Grey Worm, who are just passing the time while Varys does his work. Watching witty Tyrion try to have a conversation with dry Grey Worm and earnest Missandei is kind of hilarious. But so much of this episode is feeling like filler. Varys eventually returns, and learns the masters of Astapor, Yunkai, and Volantis are funding the Sons of the Harpy. Missandei says the masters speak only one language, and if they want the masters to hear them they have to speak it back to them. Tyrion wants to have a conversation, sending a message to the masters.

    KING’S LANDING
    Qyburn is so dang creepy, it’s painful to see him with children. They used to work as Varys’s “little birds” and he gave them sweets. So now Qyburn is taking them on as his little birds. He wants their whispers. Ser Robert Strong, being called Ser Gregor still, comes down and scares the children. Cersei and Jaime are down there, too, and Jaime wants Qyburn to tell Ser Gregor (not Robert Strong?) to march down and face the Faith. Cersei wants little birds in Dorne, Highgarden, the North, everywhere. She wants to know where everyone who hates the Lannisters might be, and the answer is probably EVERYWHERE.

    Meanwhile, at the Small Council meeting, Pycelle is still going on about how much he hates Qyburn, as if he’s a hero. Pycelle wants “the beast” destroyed, too, and on that note, the beast (Gregor) and his friends show up. Olenna Tyrell is back (yaasss) reminding Cersei that Margaery is the queen, not Cersei. But basically Cersei, Jaime, and the new Ser Gregor crash the meeting, which is led by Kevan Lannister, the new Hand.

    Oh, and here’s Tommen doing something. Crown on his head, he visits the High Sparrow and asks when his mother can see her daughter’s final resting place. Cersei hasn’t fully atoned yet? She has to stand trial so they can learn the full extent of her sins. But Jaime gets a free pass? Pycelle? Everyone but Cersei? Tommen stands up to the High Sparrow, with his army behind him, but then he sends them away. DO something, Tommen. The High Sparrow talks about mothers, on Mother’s Day, and says when Cersei speaks of Tommen her mother’s love shines, and it’s pure, because it doesn’t come from this world. Cersei did her walk of atonement to get back to Tommen. High Sparrow claims the gods want Cersei to stand trial. Convenient. He gets Tommen to sit with him for a conversation. Tyrion would be a good match for this guy, but Tommen is not.

    BRAAVOS
    Arya is back in the House of Black and White, still answering questions like “Who are you?” and who was she before she came here. Who was Arya Stark. She had one sister. And four brothers. Wrong answer. Three brothers. Three bros and a half bro, Jon. The waif wants to know about The Hound. “Also dead.” Arya gets her butt kicked. “Arya Stark left him to die. He was on her list.” But she had taken him off her list. She did and did not want him to die. “She sounds confused.” “Yes, she was.” Arya and the Hound were the best GoT buddies. The waif gets the full list. Cersei. Gregor Clegane. Walder Frey. ADD RAMSAY. Is Arya sure she’s not forgetting someone. We see Arya start to get better at fighting, and call herself “a girl.” Jaqen H’ghar says, if a girl tells him her name, she can get her eyes back. Arya says she has no name. He dips a cup into the water and gives it to Arya. If she is truly No One, she has nothing to fear. Arya gets her sight back. Maisie doesn’t have to wear those contacts anymore! But she needs to be someone.

    WINTERFELL
    The Umbers are a famously loyal house, to the Starks, Ramsay and Karstark note to the visiting Umber. This is all about sons betraying their fathers. Lord Umber said Jon Snow led an army of wildlings past the wall. They are farther north than the other families, so when the wildings cross the wall, they have to fight them first. (Kind of like Olly.) Ramsay tells the new Lord Umber that if he pledges loyalty to Ramsay he’ll help them. Umber refuses to kneel and do the tradition. So how can Ramsay trust him? “I’ve got a gift for you.” He brings out two people — Osha and RICKON! Rickon Stark. But how could they know it’s Rickon. Ramsay asks it too. NOOOOOOO. Not Shaggydog! What direwolves are even alive now? Ghost and Nymeria, and Summer. Where is Nymeria?

    NEXT WEEK
    Episode 4, which airs May 15, is called “Book of the Stranger,” and has this synopsis: “Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) strikes a deal. Jorah (Iain Glen) and Daario (Michiel Huisman) undertake a difficult task. Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Cersei (Lena Headey) try to improve their situation.” The trailer shows Sansa, Brienne, Theon, Yara, Cersei, Tyrion, Dany, and Jorah knowing where they’d have taken Dany. Don’t drag this out like Qarth all over again.


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  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Finale Recap: Who Died, Who’s Blind in ‘Mother’s Mercy’?

    Warning: Spoilers ahead, not only from the “Game of Thrones” Season 5 finale but also the “A Song of Ice and Fire” books.

    Don’t worry! Jon Snow (“Game of Thrones” Season 5 finale — Episode 10, “Mother’s Mercy” — had so many deaths it may literally be impossible to count, unless someone has a definitive number on Stannis Baratheon’s men. But the name of the book series is “A Song of Ice and Fire” and Jon Snow is the Ice as much as Daenerys Targaryen is the Fire. His watch has not ended.
    Here are the deaths we’re sure about:

    • Selyse Baratheon
    • Stannis Baratheon (and the men who didn’t ditch him)
    • Meryn Trant
    • Myranda
    • Myrcella Baratheon (we think we’re 100 percent about this one. She was poisoned but we didn’t see her die)

    Here are the less certain deaths:

    • Jaqen died but did not die because No One died. Let someone else explain it. He’s fine. And yet he killed himself. Don’t worry about it.
    • Jon Snow. He was stabbed repeatedly by his fellow men of the Night’s Watch, who consider him a traitor. Even young Olly, Jon’s little protege, joined the stabbing. He was the last knife into Jon’s body and Season 5 ended with Jon bleeding out, looking dead. In the most recent book, “A Dance with Dragons,” the same thing happened, but Jon called to Ghost — suggesting that maybe Jon would warg into Ghost. If Jon does die, or comes close, can Melisandre save him — she who is essentially useless on all other levels at this point?

    A crapload of other stuff happened outside of the deaths: Arya is now blind, Cersei had a naked walk of shame, Sam left for The Citadel, Sansa and Theon escaped, Dany is back with a khalasar, Varys returned, etc.

    Here are highlights from Episode 10:
    • We had the first death within the first five minutes of the episode when Stannis Baratheon was led into the woods to find his wife, Selyse Baratheon had hanged herself. We’d feel worse about it if she hadn’t been such a horrible mother up until the point when her daughter was already burning and it was too late to do anything. Stannis also faced a mutiny of men who apparently didn’t want to follow a king who was willing to burn his daughter alive. Didn’t see that in your flames, did you, Melisandre?

    • Stannis continued his sad trombone luck/bad betting on Mel’s prophecies, when an army went out to meet him in the field outside Winterfell. They were vastly outnumbered. So the Boltons won, again.

    • Brienne of Tarth came upon the wounded Stannis and sentenced him to death. Stannis’ last words: “Go on, do your duty.” Second death of the episode: Stannis. Unless you count all the men with him. What’s Melisandre going to do now? Will she accept that she was wrong or continue her delusions?
    • Sansa watched the battle play out, then worked to make her escape. She was stopped by Myranda with her bow and arrow, next to Theon. While Myranda was threatening Sansa, and about to shoot, Theon pushed Myranda over a ledge and killed her. (When does Sansa get to save herself?) He and Sansa went to escape.

    • Sam decided he would serve best as a maester, requesting to be sent to The Citadel, which would also be safest for Gilly. So Jon lost his only friend and was alone as the self-described most hated man in Castle Black.
    • Meryn Trant beat the girls around him, until Arya was revealed as one of them — she had used one of the faces. She gave it right back to him and then some. Will anyone mourn this pedophile sadist? No. Arya told him she was the first name on her list. Now he’s no one. Nothing. His death was gruesome.

    • As expected, Jaqen H’ghar was not happy that Arya took a life — the wrong life. She was deemed, as the other girl said, not ready. She stole from The Many Faced God and now a debt is owed. Only death can pay for life. So Jaqen killed himself. Sort of. He killed No One, and Arya ripped off face after face. Jaqen was still there as someone else, but Arya was made blind — as in the book. Hopefully it will be temporary, as in the book, but they keep twisting things. At the very least, she’ll be blind into Season 6 as part of her punishment.
    • While sailing from Dorne to King’s Landing, Jaime tried to tell Myrcella the truth about her father. She already knew. And she was glad. (Gross) However, that was followed by Myrcella having a runny nose — she was poisoned by the Sand Snakes. Ellaria drank the antidote, but Myrcella didn’t get any. Uh oh. Another death?

    • Over in Meereen, Grey Worm finally got up for a chat with Dany’s boys — Jorah, Tyrion, and Daario — along with Missandei. There was a great deal of debate about what to do and how to find Dany. Tyrion was left behind as the guys went looking for Dany, but you know who returned? Varys! He’s back to plotting and spying with Tyrion.

    • Dany and Drogon were seen out in the grasslands in the middle of nowhere. Dany tried to argue with Drogon that they had to return to Meereen because her people need her, but he did not seem to agree. Or he didn’t understand her, ’cause he’s a dragon. While out in the grass, she was surrounded by a huge khalasar, similar to in “A Dance with Dragons.” She dropped one of her jewels to place her there, in case anyone’s looking for her. (Helpful.)
    • Cersei was encouraged to confess and, this time, she was ready — even if she wasn’t sincere about it. She went to the High Sparrow and asked for absolution. He said she could go home … after her atonement. She was scrubbed naked, had her hair shorn, and forced to go for her “walk of atonement,” aka walk of shame — with a women literally calling out “shame” as she walked. That was soon drowned out by “whore,” “c-nt,” and other insults from the people of King’s Landing, which is straight from the book. (Hearing a version of Rains of Castamere just makes it more poignant.) Can Ramsay get this treatment someday?

    • After Cersei was done her walk of shame, Qyburn introduced her to the newest member of the Kingsguard: Ser Robert Strong, aka The Mountain reborn.
    • Up at The Wall, Davos was arguing for men of the Watch to help Stannis. Melisandre returned and when Davos and Jon Snow asked for news on Stannis, Shireen, etc., she just stared at them. They should … not burn her, ’cause she’d like that, but do something. Another walk of atonement.

    • Olly came into Jon’s study and said there was a man who said he knew his uncle Benjen, saying he was alive. It was a trap. Jon was taken to a sign that read “traitor.” Ser Alliser stabbed him. “For the Watch.” Other men joined in, also “For the Watch.” Olly was the last to approach Jon. He who killed Ygritte last season. He tearfully stabbed Jon. “For the Watch.” Eh tu, traitor?
    So now our Does Jon Really Die?! watch begins and shall not end until “Game of Thrones” Season 6 – or at least until “The Winds of Winter” novel is released. Which will come first?

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  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Dance of Dragons’ Sets Fire to Our Hearts

    Are you not entertained? Or at least traumatized? Maybe both? “Game of Thrones” has 10 episodes per season and the penultimate episode, Episode 9, is always a doozy. Season 5’s Episode 9, “The Dance of Dragons,” continued that tradition.

    Last week’s “Hardhome” was an epic masterpiece, and it was hard to see how Episode 9 could even match it. Well, if you want to beat ice, you’d better bring fire — so how ’bout that dragon fire? Daenerys Targaryen ended “The Dance of Dragons” by riding the back of her biggest (but still kinda small?) dragon, Drogon, leaving her friends stuck in the fighting pit. See ya, guys!
    That sequence was from the books, and yet had some serious changes (sorry for blaming you for everything, Hizdahr) and the rest of Episode 9 included mostly new stuff that broke our hearts. Shireen. Sweet Shireen. One of the only characters on “Game of Thrones” that was completely innocent and completely likable is now gone, getting a Mance Rayder death so brutal even her cold-hearted mother wanted to stop it. Fire cannot kill a dragon, but it can kill a terrified child screaming for mercy. Just FYI.

    This week Ellaria Sand said it was no wonder that Prince Doran Martell couldn’t walk, since he had no spine, but Stannis Baratheon was the truly weak one. And here we were, almost liking that d-bag after his sweet speech to his daughter earlier this season.
    Pieces of this episode were epic in scale, but other parts were just OK or just place-setting for major events in the final episode of Season 5.

    Down in Braavos, Arya Stark seems prepared to cross a name off her list: Meryn “Pedophile!” Trant. This is not something her new alter ego Lana would do, so what will happen if she does kill him in the finale and Jaqen H’ghar finds out? That was not in the most recent book, “A Dance with Dragons,” but it’s a twist on an Arya chapter coming in the next book, “The Winds of Winter.” Over at The Wall, Jon Snow is also in a tough spot, since his brothers in the Night’s Watch are not happy that he brought back so many wildlings. And Dorne. Sorry to say it, but Dorne is just boring. It has one episode left to justify its existence, and there won’t be much time, since we have to see Cersei’s penance, and find out what happens next with Dany and Jon.

    Read on for a recap of Episode 9:

    Opening credits: We heard to King’s Landing, Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen, and Dorne. Almost all of the locations this week.
    STANNIS’ CAMP
    The night was dark and full of terrors in the camps of Stannis Baratheon’s soldiers. Melisandre came out of her tent to see flames everywhere, including a horse on fire. Davos talked about a band of 20 men — Ramsay Bolton’s — riding into camp. So Ramsay’s plan worked. Stannis refused to turn back. He said the dead horses should be butchered for meat and he went off to make a tough call.

    Stannis told Davos he was being sent back to Castle Black for more supplies. He wanted Davos out of the way. Davos said the Hand never abandons the king, he can send someone else. Davos, still trying, asked if Shireen could accompany him. Stannis: “My family stays with me.” Chilling. Davos went to visit Shireen and she talked about “The Dance of Dragons” story. They had a good laugh about Ser Byron Swann getting toasted, Shireen got a gift, and Davos said goodbye to Shireen. Foreshadowing. Davos should ditch Stannis and join Team Dany. Give her all of Westeros’s top advisors. Stannis is the new Mad King. Davos deserves better.
    Later, Shireen told her father about “The Dance of Dragons.” If she had to choose between the rulers back then, who would she have chosen? She wouldn’t choose, but Stannis — clearly talking about himself — said sometimes the world forces your hand to choose. Shireen volunteered to help her father, and he said there is a way she could help him. She’s so cute and trusting. Don’t hurt her! Stannis: “Forgive me.” Uh oh. They led her through the snow to Melisandre, who was waiting — and Shireen was tied up to be burned. Poor Shireen screamed for her life, she screamed to her mother and father. It was brutal and her mother finally stepped up to try to save her, but it was too late. RIP, angel. Sadly, Stannis is still Sansa’s best hope, so as much as we’re pissed at him and The Red Woman, we still hope they can reclaim Winterfell.
    THE WALL
    Winter was in full force at The Wall as well. Jon Snow led his group, along with that awesome giant, back to Castle Black. Ser Alliser Thorne, left in charge before, was never a fan of the wildlings at The Wall plan. He stared down at Jon’s group as if to deny entry, so Jon stepped forward and Alliser opened the gates. Jon was visibly relieved! Jon told Sam the Hardhome mission was a failure, but Sam pointed out the people he did save. Their brothers in the Watch were not happy to see wildlings pass the Wall. Olly gave Jon some side-eye too — the wildlings (including Ygritte, killed by Olly this time last year) killed his family. Ser Alliser told Jon he has a good heart; “it’ll get us all killed.”
    DORNE
    Jaime had a meeting with Prince Doran, Myrcella, Trystane, and Ellaria Sand. They wanted to know what the heck Jaime was even doing in Dorne. Jaime said they received a threatening necklace, and Myrcella said that necklace was stolen from her room. Doran knows it was Ellaria. He led a toast to Tommen in front of Jaime, but Ellaria poured her drink out. Doran said, since Tommen wants Myrcella to return to King’s Landing, Myrcella and Tyrstane will both go — and Trystane will take Oberyn’s place on the small council. Interesting. That’s a new twist. *Is* there even a small council at this point or would Trystane basically be taking over the realm? You know Tommen is desperate for friends, so this could be a good power move for Dorne. Trystane got to decide what to do about Bronn. He said he has learned the value of mercy from his father; he’ll set Bronn free on one condition. They went down to the dungeons, where the Sand Snakes were playing a slapping game, and Bronn was taken upstairs. Is Bronn going to stay loyal to “the most beautiful woman in the world”? The one condition for Bronn was apparently getting a punch to the face.

    Doran told Ellaria she could swear her allegiance to him or she could die. She kissed his ring. He said he believes in second chances, but not third chances. So she has to be careful. She went to visit Jaime, who was writing a letter, and said she doesn’t disapprove of Jaime and Cersei — and references the incest of the Targaryens. We want who we want. Ellaria said she knows Myrcella and maybe even Jaime were innocent of what happened to Oberyn. Dorne is not that exciting at this point.
    BRAAVOS
    Arya wheeled her cart down to the docks again. Someone wanted to pay for her, which is gross but so typical, and she prepared to give the gift of death to The Thin Man. Instead, she kept rolling … because she saw a better target. A better target for Arya Stark, anyway, even though she’s supposed to be Lana. Mace Tyrell showed up to beg with The Iron Bank and Meryn Trant came with him. Meryn is on Arya’s list.


    While Mace was haggling with The Iron Bank (and singing?!), Arya made eyes with Meryn. Later, Meryn led his men to a brothel and Arya followed. Apparently Meryn likes them young, like pedophile young. In case he wasn’t disgusting enough already. Some poor servant girl had to put up with him, and he wanted “a fresh one” tomorrow.
    Arya returned to The House of Black and White and said The Thin Man was not hungry that day. Tomorrow then. Did he know she was lying?

    MEEREEN
    The fighting pits officially opened! Hizdahr was late to sit next to Daenerys Targaryen, saying he had to make sure everything was in order. Hmmm… Dany and Tyrion were not fans of the pits, but Hizdahr defended the tradition. Daario droned on about how much he knew, while not knowing that much. Tyrion to Hizdahr: “My father would’ve liked you.” Worst insult he could give. Jorah showed up in the pit and had a stare down with Dany. Why can’t she just forgive him already?
    At least you could tell how terrified she was for him during the fight. Tyrion told her she could end it, but Hizdahr said she could not. Jorah was the battle champion, much to the crowd’s dismay … and Jorah sent out a spear to kill a Harpy that was standing behind Dany, ready to attack. He saved her life again! Jorah = Hero. The Sons of the Harpy started slaying in the stands (not a fan of the music at this point) and Daario said to protect the queen. If only Barristan were there, as he was in the book. Hizdahr was going to bring Dany to safety, supposedly, but he was killed by the Harpies. So apparently he’s not with them in this version. Tyrion killed a Harpy and helped Missandei. Jorah and Daario took Dany to safety, and met up with Tyrion and Missandei. A ton of Harpies showed up, boxing them into the center of the ring. Dany became the main event, with spears pointed at her.
    So it didn’t even help to get engaged to one of Meereen’s own, the Harpies were just as determined to kill her. Jorah and Daario slayed some of the Harpies, with others just kind of waiting their turn, action-movie style. Dany and Missandei held hands, as if waiting for death. Dany closed her eyes and (on cue?) Drogon showed up. The winged shadow. Answer to Mama’s prayers. He didn’t seem that big in the ring — thought he’d be bigger — but he started eating Harpies and breathing fire at them. Dany called to him and he came over but only briefly. The Harpies kept putting spears into him, so Dany climbed aboard and said “Now.” And the last shot was of Dany flying away as Tyrion, Jorah, Missandei and Daario watched from the pit. Are they going to be able to get out of there?
    NEXT WEEK’S FINALE
    Winter is here. The finale is coming: Episode 10, “Mother’s Mercy,” airs June 14 with this HBO synopsis: “Stannis marches. Dany is surrounded by strangers. Cersei seeks forgiveness. Jon is challenged.”

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  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘Hardhome’ Brings Epic Battle in Best Episode Yet

    And that’s how it’s done. “Game of Thrones” Season 5, Episode 8, “Hardhome” just dropped the mic in a serious way — and if you were bored by this one, check your pulse: You might be one of those (un)dead people at Hardhome. You’d have to be.

    As Stefon would put it, this episode had everything — perfect lay-down-the-law speeches from Tyrion Lannister and Daenerys Targaryen, who just met and decided to team up; Arya basically turning into 00Stark; Sansa finally learning that Theon Greyjoy did not kill Bran and Rickon Stark (Rickon, where are you?!); Jorah Mormont continuing to rival Sansa for most tortured character; Cersei Lannister still awaiting her rock bottom; and the most exciting zombie battle “The Walking Dead” never staged. Jon Snow took on a White Walker, and even though Ghost wasn’t on hand to play hero this time, Longclaw was. (Pause to thank late Lord Commander Mormont for giving Jon that sword. And thanks also to Jorah Mormont for returning the sword to his father. In a way, Jorah deserves credit for saving Jon’s life tonight.)
    Tyrion and Dany weren’t the only ones giving great speeches this week — Lord Commander Snow stepped up with the wildlings/free folk at Hardhome. (Jon Snow knows a lot more than nothing.) The Wall is entering a world of pain with all those newly dead ready to attack, but this is why Tyrion needs to advise Dany to grab her three dragons, somehow train them ASAP, and get thee north of The Wall to slay the White Walkers. ‘Cause there’s not enough dragonglass to go around, we need dragon fire to take on the ice.

    What an episode, though, no? Best of Season 5 so far, and a tough one for the last two episodes to top. Parts of this season have been frustrating (to put it mildly) but “Hardhome” delivered something for all GoT fans, including plenty of surprises (pleasant ones this time) for book readers. Or are you one of the purists who still cringes at any change from the books?

    Read on for a recap of Episode 8:
    MEEREEN
    The episode started with Tyrion and Jorah in court, facing Dany. Two great characters finally talking. How could Dany trust that Tyrion was who he said he was? Tyrion told Dany her own story, as heard from Westeros. Why should she bring him into her service? He gives the right, and obvious response, that she doesn’t know about Westeros the way that he does, and he was pretty darn good as Hand of the King. Dany asked what Tyrion would have her do with Jorah, since she swore she’d kill him if he ever returned. Why should the people trust a queen who cannot keep her promises? Tyrion approached her with both sides of the argument. Poor Jorah. “A ruler who kills those devoted to her is not a ruler who inspires devotion.” More wisdom from T-dawg. But that doesn’t mean Jorah should stick around. Tyrion said Jorah cannot be by her side when she goes to Westeros. So Dany took Tyrion’s advice and said to remove Captain Friend Zone from the city. Jorah, who still has greyscale, and Sansa should compete for Worst Luck in the World.
    Later, Tyrion and Dany had a sit-down chat. They discussed what their fathers would’ve done. Tyrion may someday tell her why he killed Tywin. She knows her father earned the title The Mad King. Tyrion: “So here we sit, two terrible children of two terrible fathers.” He wanted to see if she was the right kind of terrible. They debated the merits of Varys, Robert’s former spymaster. Tyrion said Varys may be the only one in the world he trusts, besides his brother — who killed her father. Where’s Varys, though? He’s going to be jealous of this meeting. Dany said she’s not going to kill or banish Tyrion. He’s going to advise her. (Yesssss.) Tyrion said she should come up with a better goal than The Iron Throne. Maybe she belongs there in Meereen. This is not her home, she said. Who would support her at home, Tyrion argued. He gave her the speech she needed to hear, and she gave him her “spokes on a wheel” speech. “I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” DROP MIC. First massively badass moment of the episode. Not the last.

    Oh, and Ser Jorah returned to the slaver to offer himself up for a fight in the great pits.

    CERSEI IN DUNGEON
    Cersei was urged to confess, and beaten every time she spoke anything other than a confession. She was still pissy and threatening at the start.

    Qyburn visited Cersei and said a trial is coming, with charges including fornication, treason, incest, and her role in the murder of King Robert. Ser Kevan returned from Casterly Rock to be Hand of the King and preside over the small council. Tommen won’t see anyone, he’s distraught about his wife and mother being jailed. (Useless!) Qyburn said there’s a way out, but Cersei still refused to confess. He said “the work still continues,” so maybe she saw some hope there.

    Cersei got more desperate as the episode progressed, licking drops off the ground in her thirst.
    ARYA
    Arya practiced being someone else, named Lana, and made up her story. She went out into Braavos with a brand new look — love the hair — and she made her way down to the docks to do her new job selling fish. But that’s not her real job. She’s like a spy getting information, then going full James Bond to take out threats. Assassin Stark! The other girl said Arya is not ready.

    WINTERFELL
    Theon brought more food to prisoner Sansa, who simply asked him “Why?” Why did Theon/Reek tell Ramsay about the candle escape plan? Reek said there is no escape, ever. Reek talked about Theon in third person, describing the flaying. Sansa said “good.” If it wasn’t for Theon she’d have a family. If she could do what Ramsay did to Theon she would. Theon said he deserved to be Reek. Sansa was furious about Bran and Rickon, but Theon told her the two boys who were killed weren’t Bran and Rickon. Yeah, but they were still two little kids. They still didn’t deserve to die. But now Sansa knows her brothers are still alive.

    Meanwhile, Roose Bolton was having a war meeting. He said they’re more prepared for a siege than Stannis could ever be; they just have to wait for Stannis to freeze. Ramsay and Roose debated what to do. Ramsay had his own plan; he wants to take the battle to Stannis. He wants 20 good men to go with him to attack Stannis, instead of waiting behind the walls of Winterfell.

    THE WALL
    Gilly helped the injured Sam, who got his butt kicked last week. They’re both scared, they have no friends there. Except maybe Olly, Jon’s steward, who brought Sam food and asked him a question about Jon going to Hardhome to save wildlings. Why is Jon saving them? Sam said wildlings are people just like them, there are good ones and bad ones. They’ll need all the people they can get when the White Walkers come. Sam said not to worry about Jon, he always comes back. On that note…
    HARDHOME
    Jon led the boats sailing into Hardhome, a free folk village. They did not get the warmest welcome, and not just talking temperature-wise. Tormund approached the Lord of Bones, and Jon said he and Tormund were allies. Probably the wrong thing to say. Words did not go well, with Tormund beating the Lord of Bones to death for a d-ck joke. But they went inside and Jon Snow made his pitch as Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch — he said he’s not there to make friends, it’s about survival. The White Walkers don’t care if they’re free folk or crow. Jon broke out Sam’s bag of dragonglass to show how you can fight them. Jon was asked about Mance, and he said Mance is dead. How? “I put an arrow through his heart.” Probably not the best, or even most fair and accurate, way to report that news. Tormund took up the story to defend what Jon did, which was mercy for Mance. Jon went for the “think about the children” argument — no one will forget the dead lost on both sides, this is about survival. He made a great speech, on par with the Tyrion and Dany talks. Great night for speeches. One of the free folk leaders said she could never trust a man in black (sorry Will Smith) but she trusts Tormund. She’s not a fan of Thenns, though, since they stormed off, not willing to go with the group. (Is she a fan of that giant? That giant ruled.)
    They started loading people on boats and it got a bit “Titanic,” with Jon telling Tormund they’re leaving too many people behind, and the wildling woman putting her kids on the boat and saying she’d be right behind them. (Foreshadowing!) Then the dogs started barking and things got ominous. White mist that looked like snow came down and they said to shut the gate. So many people were still behind the gate and we were left to just hear what was going on with a peep through a hole in the (flimsy-looking) wall.

    That wall was not destined to hold and wights (like walkers on “The Walking Dead” mixed with the undead pirates of “Pirates of the Caribbean”) broke through. Things got tense and hectic, and Jon led a battle to hold the gate while everyone else tried to get away on boats. Where’s Ghost when you need him to save the day again?! At one point, Jon looked up and saw White Walkers on horseback. Where’s the dragonglass? Jon had himself his own battle with a White Walker, one-on-one. SO EPIC. His blade, Valyrian steel, saved the day. Works like dragonglass. But the wildling woman was attacked by the dead (creepy dead children!) and a ton of new dead just landed like a frozen zombie herd to attack. The episode ended with a White Walker putting his arms up and waking all those who were just killed as newly undead, ready to attack. That’s the same White Walker who turned a baby into a White Walker in Season 4. Apparently we’re calling him Night’s King.

    Oh crap. It’s on! Can they make it to The Wall?

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  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Cersei’s Comeuppance, Dany Meets ‘The Gift’

    Poor Cersei Lannister. She’s going to miss several wine-filled happy hours after “Game of Thrones” Season 5, Episode 7, “The Gift.” Now all they have to do is lock up useless Tommen, and Ser Pounce and Ghost can take their rightful places as the rulers of the Seven Kingdoms.

    “Game of Thrones” loves letting unlikable characters build their smug egos to stratospheric heights, only to knock them painfully down to Earth (or Westeros) with a good slap of justice. Just ask Theon Greyjoy, Joffrey Baratheon, maybe someday Ramsay Bolton (please please please) and — this week — Cersei Lannister. But GoT also loves reminding us that it’s not so easy to peg someone as a hero or a villain — see the unexpected sympathy we feel for Theon. Cersei may also earn more sympathy before long. Everyone loves a redemption story.
    Last week’s episode ended with the traumatic wedding and rape of Sansa Stark. This week … her life did not get much better. Also, Gilly almost got raped, Ghost was a hero, Gilly had sex with Sam (his first time was a lot better than Sansa’s), the woman who wanted to help Sansa got flayed and died, Bronn almost died from poison but instead got flashed and saved by the same woman who almost killed him, Melisandre now wants to kill Shireen, Lancel told the High Sparrow about doin’ it with Cersei (never have sex with your cousin, kids!), Jorah Mormont and Tyrion Lannister were sold in slavery, Jorah fought in the pits in front of Daenerys Targaryen, and Tyrion and Dany finally met face to face. Tyrion was the titular “gift” and we can’t wait to see what happens now that Tyrion and Dany have been introduced. (Dany, please forgive Ser Jorah. He’s earned a place back in your friend zone.)

    All these book twists are blowing our minds, but Dany and Tyrion getting an official meeting earns two thumbs up. (Point to ponder: Where’s Varys? Still on his way to Meereen or searching for Tyrion?)

    In sadder news, that wonderful great light of The Wall, Aemon Targaryen, died, surrounded by his good friends Sam and Gilly. So the world has lost a powerful, heroic Targaryen, and Sansa lost her own little candle of hope when her would-be savior died. Can anyone save Sansa there in Winterfell? Brienne is apparently just hanging out waiting for a sign that is no longer coming, and Stannis is stuck in a storm.

    Read on for a recap of Episode 7:

    Opening credits: We’re shown King’s Landing, Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen, and Dorne. Why Braavos? Why do they show locations we don’t visit?
    THE WALL
    To Alliser Thorne’s dismay (what a pity), Tormund was unshackled and Jon Snow told Ser Alliser he has command of The Wall while Jon went with Tormund to Hardhome to try and save some free folk. Probably a bad plan to give Ser Alliser this power, even if Ser A doesn’t want it. Sam gave Jon some dragonglass to help kill white walkers. Probably smart. Aemon Targaryen, not in good shape, had a nice moment with Gilly’s son, and talked about his little brother, “Egg.” Another twist on the book here, since it looks like there will be no sea voyage for this little group. Poor Aemon died and Sam gave a speech for him. “No man was wiser or gentler or kinder. … He was the blood of the dragon, but now his fire has gone out. And now his watch is ended.” RIP, great man. Do you think Dany can tell that the world is now short one more Targaryen? Is she the only one left or … is there still one north of The Wall? Of course, Ser Alliser couldn’t resist ruining the moment by whispering to Sam that he was losing all his friends. Should Gilly worry?

    Speaking of worrying about Gilly, two guys approached Gilly — away from Sam — and sexually harassed her while she was trying to work. She slapped one of them. Sam came in and drew his sword. Go Sam! The guys knocked Sam down and started kicking him., so she took charge and attacked. None of the good characters can catch a break! This is why Jon can’t leave The Wall. It’s chaos when he goes. One of those guys beat the crap out of Sam and Gilly almost got raped (AGAIN!) but Sam got up so he could try to play the hero. It would be nice if rape and attempted rape weren’t such big deals on this show, but they are plot devices nearly every week. Before Sam could even try to save Gilly, though, Ghost came in and scared the guys away. At least Ghost stayed behind to help. While Sam healed, Gilly got on top of him and gave him his first sexual experience. Yep, Sam is no longer a virgin.
    WINTERFELL
    Sansa woke up crying, which is basically her lot in life. Theon came in, reminded her his name is now “Reek,” and she begged for his help. Reek suggested she do what Ramsay says or he’ll hurt her. Sansa said he hurts her every night, it can’t get worse. But Theon said it can always get worse. She asked what Ramsay did to Theon. She mentioned how she still had friends in the North and all she had to do is light a candle in the tower, so why didn’t she just do it? Was she a prisoner in that room and she needed him to do it? (Yep, apparently she is a prisoner in her own ancestral home. The Stark luck continues. Arya is fortunate to be changing into someone else.)

    Sansa went out in the snow to talk to Ramsay. He said she’s made him very happy, but clearly this is not a mutually beneficial alliance. Ramsay said the storm is a stroke of luck for them and will help them to defeat Stannis, who is not used to this weather. Sansa brought up Walda’s pregnancy and she even mentioned that Ramsay is a bastard, and Tommen too. She was bold about it, which is good. She also learned that Jon is now the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. Spark of an idea for her to go up there? What would happen if she did, and Jon was gone to Hardhome? What would Ser Alliser do?

    On that note, we had another death. The woman who wanted to help Sansa. Flayed. “Her heart gave out before I even got to her face.” Ramsay told Sansa to hold on to her candles. “The nights are so long now.” UGH. Reek. Stannis, get here fast. Brienne, get here fast. Someone please help Sansa.

    BRIENNE
    Brienne just stared out the window. Do something! Don’t wait for a candle!
    STANNIS’ WAR CAMP
    Forty horses died in the night, Davos said, and they’ll lose more. Stannis is just cursed. Never back him in a fight, even with Melisandre around. For once, it’d be nice if he won the fight. Davos said they should head back to Castle Black; this isn’t their time. Stannis has too much pride, he doesn’t want to be the king who ran. Yeah, but now he’ll be the king who lost. Stannis says we march to victory or we march to defeat but we go only forward. Davos can tell this is not 100 percent his idea, with Mel in the background. Melisandre said she has seen herself walk through Winterfell and the flayed man banner on the ground. Stannis felt her up (!) but she took the moment to basically suggest they sacrifice Shireen as their next victim of king’s blood. Thankfully, that was a step too far even for Stannis.
    DORNE
    Myrcella visited with “uncle” Jaime, who explained why he’s there to take her home. Myrcella didn’t want to go there to begin with, but now she wants to stay. She loves Trystane.

    Bronn was in a very different cell, but he kept singing “The Dornishman’s Wife,” and sort of impressed the Sand Snakes. He got very flirty with one, who bared her breast to tease him, then bared everything else. She kept asking about his arm … she slashed him with it in the fight. Poor Bronn. He got woozy from the poison of that slash, and his nose was bleeding. The dagger she used on him was from Asshai, called The Long Farewell. A single contact brings death. She had the only antidote on her and demanded to be called the most beautiful woman in the world. Why did that work? She should’ve held out for more, or just let him die. But it’s good to see Bronn live, even if it doesn’t make much sense. Will he try to work with them now? Maybe they can form an alliance … or a singing troupe.
    MEEREEN
    Poor Jorah and Tyrion had chains around their necks and hands, and were taken to a slave auction. Malko the slaver told an even taller story than Jorah and Tyrion told last week to play up Jorah’s strengths as a fighter. Jorah didn’t react. The poor guy has greyscale and his life as been crap after Dany kicked him out, so what does he really care what happens to him next? A guy bought Jorah and Tyrion said they had to buy him too. He beat someone up to plead his case and it worked.

    Dany was engaged to Hizdahr zo Loraq (her idea) but she’s still sleeping with Daario. More sexposition as they made out, with Dany making her argument for why she’s marrying into a Meereenese family. Daario said she should marry him instead. She said she can’t. “Then you are the only person in Meereen who is not free.” Good comeback. Then he suggested she gather all the masters together in the pits and slaughter them all. She said she’s not a butcher but he said all rulers are either butchers or meat. Sounds like the “you’re either the butcher or the cattle” line of “The Walking Dead” Season 5.

    Jorah had his gladiator moment, preparing to go into the fighting pits, in front of Dany and Hizdahr. He saw her from the backstage area, so to speak, as she watched the early fighters die. He should’ve gone out right when he saw her, in case she left early. He basically did just that, not waiting his turn but going out with his helmet on and Dany seemed to have a feeling like she recognized him. He went up to Dany and removed his helmet. “Get him out of my sight.” Really? Even now?! “I brought you a gift.” Tyrion came out on that cue, saying it’s true. “I am the gift.” So Tyrion finally met Dany.
    KING’S LANDING
    Loved seeing Olenna spar with The High Sparrow. She called him “a man of the people” who did Cersei’s dirty work. She can smell a fraud from a mile away. (“A useful talent.”) What does the High Sparrow/Septon want? He serves the gods, and the gods demand justice. She pointed out that The High Sparrow lives in a world of murderers and rapists and yet he singled out Loras and Margaery. She threatened them with lack of food from Highgarden. He countered that she is among the few and they are the many, and the many have stopped fearing the few.

    Tommen — utterly powerless — had a nice chat with his mother. Apparently he was starving himself? He shouted at Cersei because he’s the king and there’s nothing he can do to save his queen. Tommen wants to start a war for Margaery. He loves her. It’s not quite Rhaegar/Lyanna/Robert, but it’s sweet. Maybe Ser Pounce can save the day, ala Ghost. Cersei said she’d burn cities to the ground for Tommen and his sister, they are all that matters. Cersei does love her kids, it’s the one thing you can give her.
    Littlefinger’s brothel was trashed, but that’s where he met with Olenna. These two should go on a road trip together, they are perfection. Olenna said their fates are joined; together, they murdered a king. If she should meet with an accident there, “they’ll never even find what’s left of you.” Olenna wanted to know what Cersei wanted. Littlefinger gave her a gift, like he gave to Cersei. More ammunition!

    To rub in her victory, Cersei visited Margaery in her cell and pretended to be horrified, bringing her leftovers from the night before. Cersei went on, putting salt in the wound, and Margaery finally shot back “GET OUT, YOU HATEFUL BITCH!” Cersei walked away all smug and satisfied, but she should’ve known better. She had a little talk with the High Sparrow and he went on about the history of the chapel — and about how much Lancel had to say about her. So she got the same treatment as Margaery. Much deserved. But she’s still in power bitch anger mode and just threatened her jailors.

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  • ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Sick! Sansa Has Worst Wedding Night in ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’

    Seriously? If it wasn’t official before, it is now after “Game of Thrones” Season 5, Episode 6: Ramsay Snow Bolton is The New Worst. Even worse than Joffrey. Ramsay doesn’t seem to be the only one who gets off on Sansa Stark suffering. The showrunners seem to like it too. In “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken,” Sansa was — unfortunately — bent and broken in all the wrong ways. Her wedding night looked a bit like Daenerys Targaryen’s wedding back in Season 1. But there will be no love story ahead with Ramsay. Instead, Ramsay is already showing his true colors. Theon Greyjoy gave Sansa away out in the godswood, then was forced to watch as virgin Sansa was disrobed and done from behind. Sick. Joffrey would probably be just as bad, but Sansa being raped in her home of Winterfell as Theon watched? “Disturbing” doesn’t quite cover it. “Horrifying” gets close. Then again, it was a “Game of Thrones” wedding, so it would be headline news if it didn’t feature deaths, rapes, or general creepiness. Congrats on keeping that record strong.
    If only she had run from the altar. But Sansa was alone and she didn’t know the truth about Ramsay. She still thought Roose Bolton was the bad one. If only she had stuck with her hell-no answer when Littlefinger first suggested this marriage. Meanwhile, Littlefinger was back in King’s Landing, plotting with Cersei Lannister to destroy the Boltons, with Petyr named Warden of the North. Cersei still wants Sansa to die, and Littlefinger at least played along on that front.

    Jaime and Bronn fought the Sand Snakes down in Dorne (very cool fight, but is Bronn in trouble from that slash?) so it’s not looking good for Myrcella to come back to King’s Landing. Things are even worse for Tyrion and Jorah “Can’t Catch a Break” Mormont, who have just been abducted by slavers. Tyrion was at least quick-thinking enough to trick them into bringing them to Meereen to make Jorah fight in the pits. It buys them some time and maybe they can catch Dany’s eye before Jorah is slaughtered. Then again, he has greyscale so his options may be 1) die slowly of greyscale or 2) die quickly in the fighting pits. Sucks to be Jorah.

    Are you traumatized by Sansa’s wedding night? Is there a way for her to get justice from this or is it too late? She’s already been raped, so it’s not like even if she kills them she can be unraped. This show sometimes…

    Read on for a full recap of Episode 6:
    ARYA
    In the House of Black and White, Arya’s story continued with her still silently washing the dead. It’s so weird to see her with her hair like that. She already looks like someone else. Again. (Side note: The squeaky doors in this place could use some WD-40.) Arya asked the girl what they’re doing with the bodies, she still didn’t know. The girl told her she’d know in time but she failed her first test of the game of faces. The girl shared her own story. Sort of. She said she was from Westeros and her father’s heir until her father remarried and her stepmother didn’t want a rival. She sought help from the faceless men and she’d been serving them ever since. She told a whole story then asked Arya if it was true or a lie. Another test.

    Jaqen woke her up with the continued question “Who are you?” She told the truth, with some twists, She was slapped for any lies, because he could tell. She was hit repeatedly for saying she hated The Hound. Awwww. She was lying to herself on that one.

    Later, a man approached her in the house basically begging for help to end the life of his suffering daughter. Arya told the dying girl she used to be like her. (Not really, though.) She told a story about drinking the water from the fountain for healing. Arya gave the water to the dying girl to end her pain, but with a lie to ease her suffering more. Jaqen watched from afar, then led her down the stairs for the next part of her training. She sees columns of faces. It’s creepy, like The Governor’s fish tank heads on “The Walking Dead.” Jaqen said a girl is not ready to become No One but she is ready to become someone else. Interesting.
    JORAH & TYRION
    Poor Jorah did another greyscale check at the start of his story. Tyrion still doesn’t seem to know, and they bickered. Tyrion also explained what he was doing out there to begin with, that he killed his father. “He was f–king the woman I loved.” Tyrion said, miserable as Jorah is, at least his father was a good man. Jorah didn’t know his father died, so he asked for details. The Mormonts just have bad luck as a family, it seems.

    During their walk, Tyrion asked why Jorah backed Daenerys, when the Mormonts didn’t fight with them. Jorah told the story of a girl walking into a fire — then walking out alive and unhurt with dragons. “Have you ever heard baby dragons singing?” “No.” “It’s hard to be a cynic after that.” (Plus, she’s hot.) Tyrion asked what happens if Dany does become ruler of Westeros, and how is she really the rightful heir? They were interrupted when Jorah saw slave ships. Slavers found them and punched Jorah. He cannot catch a break. They wanted to cut Tyrion’s throat and save his “cock” for its magical powers but Tyrion thought quickly, as usual, and saved himself at least until they find “a cock merchant.” (!) They were heading to Volantis, not Meereen, and mentioned how Dany reopened the fighting pits, which have never been for free men. Tyrion thought fast again and said Jorah is one of the great fighters of Westeros. He’s talking their way into Meereen so Dany can save them. Jorah picked it up and said he killed a Dothraki blood rider in single combat. Lots of lies and truth tonight. How can you tell the difference, if you don’t already know? Jorah was telling the truth, but did Tyrion even know?
    KING’S LANDING
    Littlefinger showed up in King’s Landing and ran into the new and not-so-improved Lancel Lannister. Lancel gave him an update on putting the godless on the run, and Lancel warned him about the lack of love for fleshmasters nowadays. Petyr asked Cersei if it was wise to arrest the heir to Highgarden (aka Loras). Cersei tried to distance herself, saying it was The Faith that arrested him under the king’s orders. They got on the topic of Lysa Arryn and her son. If war comes to Westeros will the lords of the Vale fight for their king, she asked. He has always counseled loyalty to the throne … which isn’t quite a yes.

    On an interesting note, Littlefinger chose to tell Cersei that Sansa was alive and well at Winterfell, and betrothed to Ramsay Bolton. Cersei was pissed and planned to kill the Boltons, so Littlefinger suggested Ser Kevan or Ser Jaime stepping in with armies. Littlefinger could send forces from The Vale and, in return, he wants to be Warden of the North. (As Sansa’s husband?) Cersei still wants Sansa’s head on a spike. Littlefinger pretended to go along with that, but there’s no way. Right? He loves her. In another sick way.
    TYRELLS IN TROUBLE
    Lady Olenna Tyrell: “You can smell the sh-t from five miles away.” LOVE HER. The real queen took a carriage back to King’s Landing. Margaery called in the big guns to help her brother, Ser Loras Tyrell. Olenna called for a meeting with Cersei, and that meeting was everything. The famously tart tongued Queen of Thornes vs. the Famous Tart, Queen Cersei. They sparred over Ser Loras, who was then shown facing The High Sparrow with questions about Renly Baratheon. Loras lied about laying with Renly or any other men. Queen Margaery was then called forward to answer questions too. No queens are exempt from testimony. Queen M said all the charges against Loras were lies. She swore he was innocent. Then Olyvar the brothel guy came in and said he was a squire for Loras and slept with him, and Margaery saw them; he even pinpointed the Dorne-shaped mark on Loras’ leg. Cersei’s mock horror and pretend to stand up for the Tyrells was amazing but now Loras and Margaery face trial. More truth and lies.
    DORNE
    Trystane Martell wants to marry Myrcella Baratheon/Lannister. They seem to be in love. Prince Doran watched them walking together in the Water Gardens and he said they have to be protected. The Captain remembers how to use his ax, and he’ll need it.

    Bronn sang his way into Dorne, in disguise on horseback alongside Jaime. They looked adorable in their matching outfits, but their plan to just kidnap a princess who did not want to be kidnapped was … flawed. They arrived in the Water Gardens and there were introductions between Bronn, Jaime, Myrcella and Trystane but it quickly turned into “something stupid” when Trys stood up to Bronn.

    Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes (sounds like a band name) repeated the episode title — the words of House Martell — unbowed, unbent, unbroken. It’s war. The Sand Snakes interrupted Jaime and Bronn and there was a fight right there in the Water Gardens. One of the Sand Snakes tried to abduct Myrcella but the Captain stopped the fighting. (To Jaime: “When you were whole, it would’ve been a good fight.”) Bronn insulted one of the Snakes as a little girl, but got slashed. Poison? Will he be OK?
    SANSA & RAMSAY
    Miranda bathed Sansa before her wedding and warned about the women who came before her. Ramsay gets bored easily, you know. Sansa called out Miranda on loving Ramsay, saying she can’t frighten Sansa. Yeah, but … Ramsay flaying might frighten her. Good for Sansa for standing up for herself, though.

    Sansa looked lovely in her wintry wedding dress, but this is not a nice day for a Stark wedding. Theon was there to escort her but she wouldn’t touch him, at first. It was actually a beautiful set up out by the godswood. If you have to marry a sadist, you could do worse for a location. It’s a sad, bittersweet ceremony. Alfie Allen is such a good actor, he continuously makes us feel sorry for Theon. Sansa paused before accepting Ramsay, but in the end she said “I take this man.” Ugh.

    They showed the start of the wedding night, with Ramsay asking (in front of Theon) why was she still a virgin? She complimented Tyrion on being kind. Ramsay pushed for honesty, then told Sansa to take off her clothes. He had Theon stay to watch, saying Theon has known Sansa since she was a girl; now watch her become a woman. Oh boy. Sansa’s life just keeps getting worse. This is appalling. #SaveSansa

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  • ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’ Recap, Episode 13: ‘Curtain Call’


    Step right up! Step right up! Here it is folks, the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the big finale to the greatest (or, at the very least, goriest) show on earth! That’s right, “American Horror Story: Freak Show,” the somewhat uneven fourth season of Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk’s ingenious horror anthology, came to a close last night with an episode entitled “Curtain Call.” It was a profoundly disturbing hour-and-17-minutes (hey, Ryan Murphy doesn’t play by anyone’s rules) but, in the series’ constant need to shock and surprise, ended with a bittersweet tone that had us holding back tears. Yes, seriously. Shall we begin?

    Dandy’s Cabinet of Curiosities

    After last week’s episode ended with Elsa selling the freak show to that dastardly Dandy, it was anybody’s guess as to how that would play out. And it did play out somewhat surprisingly – after Dandy complained about not selling enough tickets, the freaks revolted, first by kicking the preppy villain into the dirt and then by collectively quitting. The best moment from this dust-up was when Paul the Illustrated Seal, looking down at Dandy, spits in his face and says, “You’re boring.”

    Of course, after that creepy title sequence (one last time!), we get a brief flash to Hollywood, where Elsa is toiling (unsuccessfully) to break into show business, and then back to the freak show. Dandy is putting on his make-up for opening night, even though nobody is scheduled to show up… and then he picks up his shiny gold revolver, stalks into the campgrounds and starts murdering everyone. The calmness (he’s whistling) and exactitude of his massacre was what left us particularly chilly, although the sheer length of the killing stretched credibility (after all, his revolver has, what, six shots, and he was able to kill almost every freak?) The only freaks to get away unscathed were Bette and Dot, Desiree, and Jimmy, who shows up late to the camp with his new wooden hands and lets out a blood-curdling “Nooooooooo!”

    So let us please take a moment to mourn Amazon Eve, Paul the Illustrated Seal, Legless Suzi, Toulouse, Penny (what was her freak name? Penny the Illustrated Lizard, I’d imagine), Ima Wiggles, and some other random freaks and carnie folk whose names I don’t know.

    [moment]

    The Wet Wedding

    If “Game of Thrones” can have The Red Wedding and The Purple Wedding, then certainly “American Horror Story: Freak Show” deserves The Wet Wedding. After a shock cut to Bette and Dot marrying Dandy (who is positively aglow at the prospect of “freak babies”), we settle into a scene of domestic bliss: Dandy and Bette and Dot sharing dinner. The tables, of course, are soon turned. They’ve poisoned Dandy (“You put something in my bubbly”) and Desiree shows up (as a maid) with Jimmy (as a butler – nice callback to the end of “American Horror Story: Coven”) to get their revenge.
    As Jimmy says, his mother would have wanted Dandy’s murder to be “theatrical.” So, of course, they chain Dandy inside Houdini’s Escape Tank and fill it with water. Dandy is assured of his role, until the bitter end. “You can’t punish a man for fulfilling his purpose,” he cries out. Then the three (four?) of them sit down to watch Dandy drown. The shot of Angela Bassett eating popcorn while watching him suffocate is what will keep me warm on these cold winter nights. But the best was the exchange following his demise:

    Jimmy: “Heck of a show.”

    Desiree: “That boy is a star.”

    Hollywood, 1960

    From Dandy’s spectacular death, we jump forward in time and across the country, to Hollywood, 1960. Old timey newsreel footage introduces us to Elsa’s new life, as the “Queen of Friday Night,” an entertainer who has put out three-best selling records and is about to get her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The young executive who took pity on her in the previous segment (David Burtka, who in real life is “Freak Show” guest star Neil Patrick Harris’ husband) is now her husband and agent. She has everything!

    When we catch up with Elsa, she is filming a coffee commercial that she deems misogynistic. She screams at everyone, including her husband (who a brief flash shows us is very into BDSM). She retreats to her sunny estate, where she meets up with Massimo, who has spent his time since crafting Jimmy’s hands, working for the United States government. He’s been building houses that they explode with atomic bombs. “Took us ages to build these towns and they blew it up,” he says mournfully. He then confides that he has cancer and has been given a month to live, “And then I will be gone.”

    Elsa says that she is “bored and alone,” even with all the fame and success, and then thinks back to when Ethel made her a birthday cake. It was a lovely moment that spoke to the heart of the show: the relationship between Ethel and Elsa. If “American Horror Story: Freak Show” has been an extended metaphor for outsiders and the way that different families can be formed, then Elsa and Ethel was the family’s loving same sex parents, each having a hand in the maturation and development of the family and its various members. The fact that Elsa ended up killing Ethel, the one person who understood and loved her wholeheartedly, is painful and you can tell that Elsa is in constant torment over what she had done.

    When Elsa gets back to the house, her husband and the head of the network inform her that an investigative journalist has uncovered the snuff films from her past (including the film where some sickos chainsawed her legs off). This same journalist has also discovered her freak show-owning past. The head of the network cruelly tells her that, “They’re all dead… It was some kind of massacre.” Elsa erupts into tears. The suit shoots back: “There’s a morals clause in your contract.”

    That’s when Elsa sees a way out: she will perform on Halloween. This, of course, was a callback to the “Edward Mordrake” two-part Halloween episode, built around a superstition that if you perform on Halloween, an ancient freak named Edward Mordrake (Wes Bentley, once again) will come and judge you for your sins and likely take you to the netherworld. That’s what happened to Twisty the Clown and that is what will happen to Elsa (she is sure of it).

    One Last Show

    Elsa is once again in her white suit, as she sings another David Bowie number (“Heroes” this time). We briefly flash around to the other survivors of Dandy’s assault: Desiree has children (yay!) and is shacked up with Angus Jefferson (double yay!). The family is walking by an electronics store and Desiree peers in, mesmerized by Elsa’s live performance. Angus walks up and says that the television they have at home is just fine. Desiree looks at him, beaming, and says, “Everything we got at home is just fine.” (Now I’m getting choked up again!) Then we are in a home, with Jimmy sitting down to watch the show. Then a figure emerges, obscured at first, and then appearing to be pregnant – it’s Bette and Dot! Dot looks at the television and then turns it off, “We’ve seen this show before.”

    On stage, an otherworldly fog creeps into the studio (a technician cries, “The mist doesn’t come up until the goblin skit!”) Soon enough, Edward Mordrake is there, along with Twisty and a whole host of ghoulish freaks. Elsa is ready. Mordrake will kill Elsa, but, as he says, “Your place is not with us.”

    Instead, Elsa is whisked away to a netherworld version of her own freak show. Everyone she lost is there (Ma Petite!) and, most crucially, she’s reunited with Ethel. Their exchange was incredibly touching and profound (so much so that I didn’t write any of it down), but the basic gist was that Elsa was absolved from her sins and will get to perform, to a packed house, each and every night. “Stars never pay,” Ethel said, quoting Elsa. As Elsa got ready, the familiar strains of “Life on Mars” started to play. She rolled out on stage on her makeshift rocket ship. The audience rose to their feet. Elsa, and Jessica Lange, is aglow. And right as she’s about to open her mouth to sing, the screen cuts to black.

    Worth noting

    This will supposedly be Jessica Lange’s last outing for “American Horror Story,” and if that’s true then she certainly went out on a bang. Since season 2 the show has been a love letter to the actress, inked in the loop-de-loop calligraphy of Ryan Murphy. And this was the wonderfully decadent send-off. Overall, the season had its ups and downs. It was rocky, for sure, but maintained an essential level of quality akin to the first season (and unlike the first season, it didn’t botch the finale). The varying levels of excellence reaffirmed my love for season two’s dark and emotionally unsettling “Asylum;” what a bleak and nasty bit of business that was.

    As far as I saw, there weren’t any clues to what the next season could pertain to. The top hat on the coffee cup remains the singular bit of evidence for where the show will be headed. (Has anyone ever hypothesized that it could possibly feature the American exploits of Jack the Ripper following his adventures in England?) I always thought that at some point there would be a season set in the American Southwest, what with its rich, largely Native American mythology and incidents like the nuclear bomb development and testing, and I of course wonder if the story Massimo told was a tip of the hat to that possibility. Who knows.

    It’s a shame that “American Horror Story” lost one of its most pivotal creative collaborators this season – Alfonso Gomez-Rejon, who directed every third episode of “Coven” and helped develop the series’ rococo visual style. This year he only directed a single episode, and his lovely flourishes would have really made this episode sing. (There are a couple of nice moments but overall this was pretty flatly photographed.) Gomez-Rejon’s relationship with Murphy became stressed after creative differences on the Murphy-produced remake of “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” that Gomez-Rejon directed. (The director has a movie at Sundance this year, too.) Hopefully cooler heads will prevail and Gomez-Rejon and Murphy will kiss and make-up for next season… Whatever it may be.