Tag: revenge

  • Movie Review: ‘The Substance’

    Demi Moore in 'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    Demi Moore in ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    Opening in theaters September 20 is ‘The Substance,’ directed by Coralie Fargeat and starring Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, and Dennis Quaid.

    Related Article: Dennis Quaid and Penelope Ann Miller Talk ‘Reagan’ and His Legacy

    Initial Thoughts

    Coralie Fargeat’s 2017 feature debut, ‘Revenge,’ was supposed to be a feminist spin on the well-worn rape-revenge horror tropes so common in genre fare – and handled with varying quality — from ‘I Spit on Your Grave‘ to ‘The Nightingale.’ But ‘Revenge’ didn’t so much subvert those tropes as rehash them once again, as if shifting to a female gaze could somehow absolve the film of the film’s still exploitational imagery.

    “The Substance” is a different animal altogether. While no one is going to accuse Fargeat’s epic second feature of a light touch or subtlety, this is a feminist body horror tale that utilizes its own tropes to hammer home its point and subvert its own exploitational imagery, telling a story about identity, aging, standards of beauty, and the price of celebrity that is equal parts poignant, hilarious, and utterly gross (in a good way). All of it’s anchored by Demi Moore in what may be her finest performance ever, while Margaret Qualley provides equally superb support – as two sides of the same shattered person.

    Story and Direction

    'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    Moore plays Elisabeth Sparkle, a one-time A-list actor who has settled (or really, been forced) into a second career as the host of a morning fitness TV show, where she shows off her still-fit body every day – until she’s abruptly fired on her 50th birthday by the loathsome head of her network, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), who’s looking for younger flesh. Suffering minor injuries in a car accident on her way home from their meeting, Elisabeth is given a flash drive by a nurse at the ER that leads her to a company which makes a serum called “the Substance.”

    According to the company – represented only by an emotionless voice on the phone – the serum will create a beautiful, younger, “perfect” version of its user. The catch is that it’s only viable for seven days before the new version and the original must switch places again for a week. Elisabeth proceeds to order the serum and inject it, leading to a painful process in which the new, younger, “hotter” version of her – named Sue (Margaret Qualley) – is born out of her own back as she slips into her week-long coma.

    Sue quickly auditions for and lands Elisabeth’s old job hosting the fitness show, with a lustful Harvey and his fellow execs propelling her to greater heights of fame. As the “real” Elisabeth sinks into depression and jealousy, letting herself go as she mopes around her high-rise apartment during her weeks of being “active,” Sue breaks the rules to extend her use of the serum past the mandated seven-day period – with results that go from disturbing to repulsive to eventually all-out horrifying.

    Margaret Qualley in 'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    Margaret Qualley in ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    Directed with an increasingly gonzo fervor by Fargeat, who also wrote the deliciously satirical screenplay, ‘The Substance’ plays like a mix of early David Cronenberg and Peter Jackson, wielding the satirical bludgeon of Paul Verhoeven and anchored by the feminist fury of the speech Greta Gerwig wrote for America Ferrera in ‘Barbie.’ The visual effects supervised by Bryan Jones (mostly practical) are grotesque and in-your-face, yet take every miracle drug and body “enhancement” to its extreme conclusion, showing us the dark path that garbage like Ozempic and Botox and endless plastic surgeries lead women down in pursuit of ridiculous, just-out-of-reach standards of beauty.

    Unlike ‘Revenge,’ ‘The Substance’ explores objectification but doesn’t get trapped in it. Moore and Qualley are frequently nude or barely dressed, but there’s nothing sexual about the way the film treats them; Qualley in particular, her body tight, blemish-free, and practically glowing, never seems quite real in the glaring eye of the TV cameras that follow Sue incessantly. And even with the gruesome repercussions once Sue deviates from the serum’s required dosages and timespan, in some ways the most disgusting sight of the movie is a close-up of Dennis Quaid’s mouth as he slurps and smacks his way through a plate full of shrimp at lunch while firing Elisabeth.

    ‘The Substance’ does go on a bit too long at 140 minutes, but Fargeat almost never loses control of the material or tone. The movie becomes just as much of an assault on the senses as the nonstop gamut of sexed-up female bodies constantly thrown at us in commercials, videos, TV series, and movies, but that’s the point: to pummel us into submission and force us to watch the bloody aftermath of the pressure put on women to look, sound, and feel like flawless carnal goddesses whose silky outer shells belie the rot within that’s been thrust upon them.

    The Cast

    Margaret Qualley in 'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    Margaret Qualley in ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    As a middle-aged actress in her early 60s, Demi Moore knows full well what this movie is about and throws herself fearlessly into the role of Elisabeth, creating a complex, shattering, yet witty performance that may simply be the best she’s ever offered. When we first meet her, Elisabeth is not exactly happy but doing her best to navigate the cruel currents of a business that has gradually cast her out. Her desperation drives her to extremes of physical and psychological pain and Moore bares it all (literally and figuratively), her own howls of frustration and anger coming through some of the heaviest makeup during the latter stages of Elisabeth’s decline. This is dig-deep, raw stuff from an actor who was often dismissed as just a pretty face.

    Qualley matches Moore beat for beat, playing the darker flipside to Elisabeth as her potential for narcissism and instant gratification gets unwittingly realized via Sue. Qualley – who’s having a damn fine year between her work in this, ‘Kinds of Kindness,’ and the otherwise dreary ‘Drive-Away Dolls’ – gives us fleeting glimpses of Moore’s Elisabeth that flicker across Sue’s porcelain surface like shadows on a bright screen. Sue’s physical perkiness is matched by her seemingly innocent persona, but her manipulative edge reinforces the notion of how Hollywood forces women to act despicably toward themselves and other women just to stay on top.

    We have to tip our hat to Quaid as well, who too often spends his time these days in faith-based movies but who portrays (the perhaps intentionally-named) Harvey as the ultimate, lip-smacking, lecherous distillation of every male show biz exec who thinks he’s in control and that whatever fleeting power he has gives him dominion over others, especially women.

    Final Thoughts

    Demi Moore in 'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    Demi Moore in ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    As hinted earlier, ‘The Substance’ does not hide its agenda nor its intentions. The movie goes for broke with everything, from the leave-it-all-on-the-field performances to the crazily tilting, spinning camera angles to the sizzling editing and pulsating score (by Raffertie). Its third-act ballet of body horror may turn some queasier viewers off, but that’s kind of the point – what women are forced to do to keep up with the standards imposed on them is a physical corruption that almost certainly has after-effects we don’t even know about yet. ‘The Substance’ manifests that bitter truth in ways that are incisively funny, deeply sad, and profoundly unsettling.

    ‘The Substance’ receives 8.5 out of 10 stars.

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    What is the plot of ‘The Substance’?

    A former A-list actor (Demi Moore), her career on the decline as she is aged out of the business, takes a mysterious drug that transforms her into a younger, perfected version of herself (Margaret Qualley). But she soon discovers that there are horrifying ramifications if the rules on taking the substance are not followed to the letter.

    Who is in the cast of ‘The Substance’?

    'The Substance'. Photo: Mubi.
    ‘The Substance’. Photo: Mubi.

    Demi Moore Movies and TV Shows:

    Buy Tickets: ‘The Substance’ Movie Showtimes

    Buy Demi Moore Movies on Amazon

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  • The 10 Best Action Movies of 2018, Ranked

    The 10 Best Action Movies of 2018, Ranked

  • ‘Revenge’ Co-Stars Emily VanCamp & Josh Bowman Are Engaged

    Sorry, Captain America! You’ll have to stick with Bucky.

    Their characters got married on “Revenge,” and now Emily VanCamp and Josh Bowman getting married in real life — hopefully with a lot less cheating, shooting, and other drama, including death. None of that would be great.

    VanCamp, 31, played Emily Thorne to Bowman’s, 29, Daniel Grayson from 2011-2015 on the ABC drama. They’ve been pretty private about their relationship, but on May 11 the actress posted a photo on Instagram, clearly flashing an engagement ring. USA Today got confirmation from her rep that she is indeed engaged to Bowman.

    ❤️

    A post shared by Emily VanCamp (@emilyvancamp) on

    In 2014, VanCamp talked to Elle Canada about her work/love relationship with Bowman:

    “Josh and I keep it all very separate. I barely talk about him in interviews, to be honest. It’s just really funny in the moments when we’re playing these absolutely absurd things. I call him ‘wife-beater Daniel.’ It’s hard for my family to watch—it’s also hard for them to see me in that light. But we’re actors. None of that lives in any of us. Thank God!”

    Also, here’s what she said when asked what had surprised her recently:

    “How excited I am to have children! It never seemed tangible, but my sister just had a baby—beautiful little Ivy—and my sister Alison is having a baby boy. Suddenly, it’s like that part of my life is real. I find myself dreaming about it all the time. [Laughs] In your late 20s, you start to realize you can’t call yourself a baby anymore.”

    The “Captain America: Civil War” and “The Winter Soldier” star is celebrating some other good news this week, too: Her new medical show “The Resident” was picked up by Fox.

    Congrats on all fronts!

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  • Recap of ‘Revenge’ Season 4 Episode 23: Series Finale

    “Revenge” is officially over, which means we’re in mourning –– aka eating our emotions in the form of expensive seafood while writing this recap. After four dramatic seasons full of twists, turns and amazing fashion, Emily Thorne’s story has finally wrapped up –– and the show ended on a surprisingly satisfying note. Let’s just say Emily’s revengenda is complete.

    Check out our recap to find out which characters bit the dust (spoiler alert: there were two deaths!) and whether or not Emily got the last laugh on ABC’s “Revenge.”

    Victoria Attends Her Own Funeral, Remains Cray-Cray

    So, Margaux is literally insane. Last week, this deranged magazine mogul killed Officer Ben Hunter in cold blood (correction: she hired Courtney Love to kill him), and this week she spent most of her time trying to help Victoria stay faux dead. And speaking of Victoria, The Hamptons OG Queen Bee is totally alive, and casually announces that the corpse she passed off as her own belonged to her mother. So yes, much like Margaux she’s completely crazy –– which is only further proven when she shows up at her own funeral looking nuts in a red wig.

    Thanks to Victoria realizing that her children have zero effs to give about her death, she decides to tell Louise Ellis the truth. To be honest, it’s a sweet moment –– but then Louise calls her “mama” and it’s all extremely weird. Shudder.

    Emily Breaks Out of a High Security Prison #casual

    After failing to expose Victoria’s lies, Emily realizes that the only way to get out of jail is to admit she murdered Victoria. The catch? Pleading guilty allows Em to move into a maximum security prison that Nolan can easily break her out of (#NerdSkills), and she and Jack immediately hit up the home of Victoria’s mom for some sleuthing.

    So…wondering if Emily and Jack finally have sex? The answer is yes, and it’s completely horrifying due to the fact that they get frisky in the bed belonging to Victoria’s dead mom. Of course first they muse about their friendship, Jack’s dead dog, Sammy (RIP, long-suffering friend), and the uncertainty of their future. Honestly, it’s kind of cute –– despite the fact that Jack’s facial hair is at an all time low.

    Unfortunately, Em and Jack’s afternoon delight is ruined by Courtney Love (psh, typical Courtney), who Margaux hires to haul Emily back to jail. Even more unfortunately, Courtney Love ends up stabbing Jack because Em is out getting proof of Victoria’s fake death –– but fear not, a team of manly policemen come and save him.

    Margaux and Louise Finally See The Light

    After getting stabbed in the stomach by Courtney Love (how amazing is that sentence?), Jack ends up in the hospital and asks David Clarke for Emily’s hand in marriage. Shockingly, he says yes. Meanwhile, Emily gets help from an unlikely ally: Louise! This southern belle tells Emily where Victoria is staying, and Em shows up in her lair to kill her. The catch? David follows Emily and shoots Victoria to save his daughter’s soul, which means he’s going to jail. BUT WAIT. A random gunman swoops in and shoots Emily!

    Meanwhile, Nolan takes care of Margaux by breaking into her office and being like “Hi, hater,” prompting Margs to do the right thing and turn herself into the police. Unfortunately, Nolan’s hand gets stabbed by Courtney Love in the process (ugh, #COURTNEYLOVEPROBLEMS), but hey –– totally worth it.

    One Wedding and a Funeral

    Fast forward a few weeks and Charlotte and Emily (who definitely isn’t dead) are visiting the grave of their dad, which means David Clarke finally succumbed to cancer. And yes, there’s a double infinity sign on his grave. We get a chance to flash-back on the last moments of David’s life and he’s able to tell Em that he’s going to die a happy man. Annnnnd, crying.

    This is definitely a bitter-sweet way to end “Revenge” after four seasons, but having Emily saved by her father’s love was a great feel-good note to go out on. Oh, and let’s not forget the best part of the show’s final minutes: Nolan walks Emily down the aisle as she marries Jack, and then the happy couple hop on a boat to parts unknown. Sure, Em has recurring nightmares that Victoria’s heart is transplanted in her body, but at least she has Jack’s goatee to make her feel better.

    P.S. If you’re wondering about Nolan, it looks like he’s going to live life helping others get revenge. Like a boss!

    P.P.S. Hands up if you think Victoria’s heart is actually in Emily’s body?
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  • Recap of ‘Revenge’ Season 4, Episode 22: Plea

    Remember last week when ABC was like “‘Revenge’ is ending forever, bye!” and you started sobbing hysterically? Well, this week was the penultimate episode, and things are not going well for Emily Thorne. Mostly because she’s in jail and everyone thinks she’s a murderer, no big deal.

    Get caught up on everything you need to know about Emily’s revengenda before the show heads into its last episode ever on Sunday, May 10!

    Emily Gets Out of Jail, Promptly Returns To Jail

    Last week Emily was hauled into the slammer for Victoria Grayson’s murder, which is problematic for several reasons: 1) orange is not her color, 2) she never got to confess her undying love for Jack “Shirtless For No Reason” Porter, and 3) her bitter ex-boyfriend, Officer Ben, is dead set on seeing her ruined.

    The good news is Emily ends up being granted bail and put on house arrest. The bad news is she gets caught trying to hunt down Mason Treadwell (girl just can’t help herself), and is once again thrown behind bars. The silver-lining is that she chats to some random backwoods townies and basically confirms that Victoria’s alive and trying to blend in with the commoners.

    Emily Tells Jack How She Feels, Margaux Gets Arrested

    Jack and Emily are end-game on “Revenge” (total OTP up in here), and this week Em finally declares her feels during an awkward hang session on the porch. This display of affection promts Jack to a) smile insanely, and b) drive four hours into New York City to tell Margaux that Em was set up. While on this completely useless mission, Jack uses his detective skills to find out that Margaux shuttled Victoria’s co-conspirator, Mason Treadwell, to a trailer park –– which means she’s complicit in Queen V’s evil plan!

    So, what’s Em’s not-as-evil plan? She has Margaux framed for stealing diamonds, which lands her in jail. Naturally, Em sneaks out of her own cell and bullies Margaux into spilling the beans, and this French media mogul reveals that Victoria faked her death. Called it!

    Em calls up Officer Ben to tell him the good news (turns out Victoria used an unclaimed dead body at the scene of her death), but unfortunately Ben’s like “bye, Felicia” and totally rejects her. Sounds like someone’s still thirsty for their ex-girlfriend….

    Courtney Love Gets Her Kill On, It’s Amazing

    Not to make you spiral into a fit of depression, but David Clarke was given six months to live this week. Honestly, if “Revenge” ends with David dying, the producers have just been trolling us.

    In other news, Charlotte is back (Remember her? Anyone?), and she has no interest in attending her mom’s funeral –– something we learn when Louise Ellis pays her a visit. However, Charlotte does place a seed of doubt in Louise’s mind by telling her that Victoria faked her death once before –– and when Louise finds a black hoodie in Queen V’s hotel room (the same one Margaux wore to fake-attack her) she tells Officer Ben. This good cop is finally convinced that Em might be telling the truth, so he does some sleuthing, and –– surprise, surprise –– finds Mrs. Grayson herself.

    Of course, Courtney Love wanders up and kills Ben on Margaux’s orders, so it looks like Victoria is safe. Bless this woman’s agent for getting her on this show.

    Burning questions. We got ’em!

    1. Now that Ben’s dead, who will fight to release Emily from prison?
    2. Is David Clarke going to die? Unacceptable. Don’t do this to us, “Revenge”!
    3. Will Louise realize she’s been played, or continue believing Margaux’s lies?
    4. Will Emily kill Victoria during the season finale?
    5. Speaking of the finale: how is this show going to end?!
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  • Recap of Revenge Season 4 Episode 16: Retaliation

    Remember when Victoria Grayson was the Queen of The Hamptons? Well now she’s a mere townie, and all she has to her name is a few cocktail dresses and some creepy feral dogs. Why? Because Grandpa Grayson left his entire inheritance to a gold digger named Natalie, and this broad is all about dethroning Victoria!

    Other things to note before diving into this recap: Margaux LeMarchal is obsessed with ruining Emily Thorne’s life, and Jack Porter is at serious risk of drowning in a puddle of his own tears. Praying for him.

    Natalie’s True Nature Is Revealed, David’s Beard Says Hi
    It’s Independence Day in The Hamptons, which means everyone’s once again celebrating their love for the USofA as well as their mutual loathing for one another! However, this year it’s Natalie who holds the annual soiree for The Hamptons’ elite, and she decides to invite David Clarke as her date –– because apparently she doesn’t mind that horrifying crop of fur that he calls a beard.

    Considering that David and Victoria were hooking up a few weeks ago, you can only imagine Victoria’s wrath when she realizes that Natalie has her eye on David. But shocker: Victoria is right on about everything –– and we mean everything. Not only is Natalie going after the Grayson gold, she was secretly in love with Conrad and only married Grandpa Grayson as sloppy seconds. Apparently she’s in town to complete Conrad’s mission and ruin David’s life by claiming that he sexually assaulted her –– but don’t stress: Victoria saves the day and gets Natalie’s deranged musings on tape. Looks this socialite is being cast away like an old bandage dress.

    Emily Beats Margaux at Her Own Game, Gets Into Bar Fight While Doing So
    We don’t know if it’s the crazy baby living in her stomach or the fact that she was manipulated by Jack’s small child last week, but Margaux is out for revenge. Her plan? Threatening to expose the location of Officer Ben Hunter’s ex-wife, April, who happens to be hiding from an abusive ex. Drama! As you might expect, Ben is willing and ready to throw Em under the bus if it means protecting his former paramour, so he forks over Em’s OG birth certificate to Margaux… Or does he?

    Turns out Ben is secretly working for Emily, but his double-cross causes Margaux to put April in harm’s way. Emily and Ben head over to a backwoods bar to protect this girl from her ex-boyfriend after Margaux tells him her secret location, and you better believe Em ends up getting her revenge on.

    First, April reveals that she had go into hiding thanks to Ben ratting out her boyfriend to the police (sigh, typical Officer Hunter), and then said boyfriend and his hilarious hair show up and get into a bar fight with Emily. Spoiler alert: she wins. You’ve been revenged, buddy!

    Jack Feels Sorry For Himself, Gets A DUI

    Jack is a broken man, and it’s all thanks to the fact that Emily totally rejected him. This poor guy is a shadow of his former self –– but hey, at least he has Baby Carl David, who’s basically being raised by nannies because Jack is too busy sobbing internally / working at a bar. In other words, he needs help. But don’t worry, FKA PoPo Porter nabs a gig at Nolan’s club after having a meltdown about how he’s not a charity case, and he also gets Nolan to open up a day care just feet from the bar! This is great news (minus Carl being raised at a bar…), but just when Jack’s life is looking up everything goes wrong. You see, Margaux schemes with the police to get her ex-boyfriend pulled over and arrested for a faux DUI –– and as if that isn’t bad enough the cops take Baby Carl David! Though considering the fact that he’s already being raised by strangers, this might not be the worst thing ever.

    In other news, Nolan and Louise are enjoying married life, but there’s trouble in paradise when Louise wants her evil brother, Lyman Ellis, to move in with them. After Louise vehemently defends her big bro, we learn that he’s secretly downloading files from Nolan’s computer for Margaux. But don’t worry Louise gets revenge by pushing him off a cliff, so yeah –– he may or may not be dead. Bye forever, Lyman.

    And now, some burning questions….

    1. Is Lyman really dead? We didn’t see a body…. so hmmm. Pics or it didn’t happen!
    2. Will Baby Carl David really be taken from his dad? This injustice will not stand!
    3. Victoria saved David from yet another scandal. Does this mean they might get back together?
    4. Nolan seems torn about his relationship with Louise. Do you think he has real feelings for her?
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  • Recap of ‘Revenge’ Season 4 Episode 15: Bait


    “Revenge” has returned from winter hiatus, which means we can finally get back to the task of mocking Jack Porter for being the worst policeman of all time, bless his heart. More importantly, Jack finally confesses his feelings for Emily Thorne this week –– so grab some popcorn, prepare for copious man-tears, and settle into this recap.

    David Thorne Makes An Unlikely Friend, Victoria Grayson Goes Out For Blood

    Important news: David Clarke has taken to spending his days trolling around the beach, turning down business meetings (as if anyone would hire him), and making friends with Victoria Grayson’s new nemesis, Natalie. You know, the rich lady who seems dead set on making Kim Richards hate her? Well, Natalie actually happens to be Grandfather Grayson’s widow, and apparently she has possession of the entire family fortune! In fact, all Victoria gets is a couple incontinent Corgis, who –– let’s be honest –– will probably die of starvation and neglect within weeks.

    Victoria is convinced that Natalie’s a gold digger who’s out for the Grayson fortune, so she hits up Lyman Ellis to help challenge Grandfather Grayson’s will. Victoria and Lyman discover that Natalie was fired from her nursing gig for swindling money from a patient, and now it looks like they’re setting their stunners to destroy! Let’s just hope no Corgis are harmed in the process.

    Jack and Emily Con Margaux, Are Total Dream Team
    Good news: Daniel Grayson’s love child is happily baking away in Margaux LeMarchal’s belly, and all those hormones are making her crazier than ever. All Margaux wants is to ruin Emily’s life with a video of her and Jack confessing to killing an FBI agent, and you better believe she’ll stop at nothing to take her down. Hah, as if. Here’s what happens:

    After Jack has his minion (aka that kid of his we never see) slip a hacking-device / beaded bracelet on Margaux, Emily breaks into her office and steals the video. Meanwhile, Nolan’s wife, Louise Ellis, distracts Margaux’s fleet of haters (aka the FBI) by pretending to be lost in the building, while Emily lurks in Margaux’s office and smirks like a deranged psychopath. You know, just making some casual memories!

    Jack Reveals His Feelings, Forms One-Man Pity Party While Doing So

    In case you’d forgotten (or, more likely, repressed it), Emily and Officer Ben are still dating, which means Jack is still crying on the inside. And also the outside, to be honest. Basically, Pouty Porter is a shadow of his former self, and he’s taken to whimsically staring at sea glass all day. In fact, he’s so overcome with emotion and “sea glass feels” that he decides to declare his love for Emily once and for all! Too bad she completely rejects him and he ends up crying. So…yeah…that’s awkward.

    Finally, it should be noted that Margaux is currently blackmailing Officer Ben because she has some dirt on the location of his ex-wife. Will Ben capitulate and throw Emily under the bus? This and more burning questions below….

    1. Does Emily really not have feelings for Jack, or is she just trying to protect him from getting hurt?
    2. Will Victoria successfully contest her father-in-law’s will?
    3. Are David and Natalie about to start dating, because Victoria’s reaction is going to be terrifying.
    4. What’s the story with Officer Ben’s ex-wife?!
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  • Recap of Revenge Episode 14: Escape To Witch Mountain

    This week’s episode of “Revenge” was amazing for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to the fact that David now has a scruffy goatee (good god no), Victoria’s found herself a new enemy, and –– most importantly –– Kim Richards guest starred. That’s the Kim Richards, everyone’s favorite turtle-obsessed reality star from “Real Housewives of Beverley Hills.” We are not worthy. Of course there are plenty of other story lines from the episode that we can’t wait to sink our teeth into, so check out our recap of “Revenge” right here, right now.

    Emily Helps Unlock Louise’s Memory, Remains Revengey While Doing So

    Important news: Nolan is now a married man. Yep, this jaunty fellow tied the knot with Louise Ellis, and you know what that means: time to throw a party. Louise and Nolan might not be in love, but they love the idea of mixing business and pleasure at Emily’s mansion with a giant reception. The problem? Louise’s mom, Penelope Ellis, recently dropped the bomb that Louise murdered her father, and she’s willing to release the police report if her daughter doesn’t play ball. Said report states that Louise pushed her dad to his death at the age of thirteen, but she has no memory of the event, which brings us to Emily. This full time revenger / part-time socialite hacks into Louise’s brain by threatening to stab her hand with a dagger (just go with it), and after a few near-misses Louise has a slightly confusing flashback to her father falling.

    Thanks to the alarming trip down memory lane, Louise assumes she killed here pop and flees her wedding reception, leaving Emily no choice but to change into a terrible polyester suit and chase her down at a psychiatric facility. While there, Em tells Louise that her mother forged the police report, and that the real report proves her innocent. Phew, what a load off. Also, can we all agree that Louise has the worst family ever?

    Victoria Makes A New Enemy, Kim Richards Slays

    There’s a new villain in The Hamptons! Please give a warm welcome (and a freshly toasted lobster roll) to Natalie Waters, a sinister new socialite who has one mission: to make Victoria’s life miserable. We know what you’re thinking –– between her husband being shivved to death, her lover trying to murder her, and her son being shot multiple times, Victoria deserves a break. But it’s time for this matriarch to reclaim her spot as the HBIC.

    Victoria and Natalie come head-to-head at a brunch for the foundation Victoria’s starting in Daniel’s honor (it’s for the children, everyone), and Natalie makes it clear that she’s vying for Victoria’s throne. But don’t worry –– when Natalie tries to prevent Victoria’s friends (including Kim Richards, bless) from donating funds, Victoria goes full throttle revengey and threatens to expose all their secrets. In other words, she’s back!

    Margaux Gets Revenge, Ben Flirts with Emily, and Jack Remains Incredibly Emo

    Last week, Margaux LeMarchal hired a private investigator to dig up evidence against Emily (we blame the hormones). This week, Emily finds out about Margaux’s plan when the tabloids publish photos of herself and David, and imply that they’re romantically involved (annnd there goes lunch). Yep, Margaux seems dead set taking Em down, but will she succeed? Keep reading. For now, let’s talk about Officer Ben. This stand up citizen is super obsessed with Emily, and (despite our warnings) it seems like Emily’s returning the favor. In fact, she even asks Ben for advice about whether to morph back into Amanda Clarke, to which he replies “examine your subconscious.” Deep.

    As if that’s not upsetting enough, Ben and Jack are presented with medals of honor for being such wonderful cops (has no one on the police force been watching this show?), which prompts Jack to have a full blown emotional breakdown. Basically, he quits the force (what will the people of Montauk do without him?), dabbles in bartending while at Nolan’s party, and then tells Margaux all about his feelings in what can only be described as a bonding session.

    So, what else happens at this soiree? So many things. Not only does Emily decide to keep her fake identity, she kisses Ben while Jack watches with tears in his eyes. Plus, Victoria gets a mysterious call saying that there’s been a death in the family (the horror!), and –– most importantly –– Louise accuses her mom of cheating on and murdering her dad! All in all, a great episode with happy endings for mostly everyone…except Jack. You see, Margaux does find evidence against Emily…and it definitely involves The Artist Formerly Known As PoPo Porter killing an FBI agent.

    Burning Questions:

    1. Which of Victoria’s family members died? There aren’t that many left, but it better not be Charlotte…
    2. Will Margaux use her evidence against Emily even though it implicates Jack?
    3. Are Emily and Ben dating or is this just casual? Praying for the former due to non-negotiable “Team Jack” affiliations.
    4. Now that Louise’s plot has wrapped up, will she stay on the show?
    5. Who is this Natalie character, and how will she fit into the rest of the season?
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  • 8 Highlights From the ABC TCA Panels: Scoop on ‘Agent Carter,’ ‘Castle,’ and More

    Disney & ABC Television Group's TCA Winter Press Tour - Arrivals
    The Winter Television Critics Association Press Tour is underway and Moviefone sat in for the panels at ABC’s day to present their upcoming roster of programming. We got some scoop on new shows and returning favorites — here are the highlights!

    1. “Dancing With the Stars” Will Be Back…
    March 16th to be exact. It’s the reality competition’s 20th season and Erin Andrews, Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, Bruno Tanioli, and Julianne Hough are all returning.

    2. The Future of “Revenge”
    When asked about the fate of the soapy series, ABC Prez seemed confident that the show will go on. “I’ve always loved the show and it’s a critical brand for us,” he explained. “We have some great story lines coming up. And there are ways to reinvent it too.”

    3. “Nashville” Love
    “We’re loving Nashville. We’re going to have some great announcements about people who are going to appear on Nashville. It’s a very good brand for us, so we love that show,” Lee remarked on the country music series.

    4. No More Singing Competitions… For Now
    “Rising Star” wasn’t exactly a hit, so the network will be staying away from the singing competition format for the foreseeable future. Lee did tease that some really exciting new reality shows are set to arrive this summer.

    5. But Things Are Looking Good For “Castle”
    “We love Castle. We love those two, and we want to see Castle on the air for many years to come,” Lee said of a Season 8 possibility.

    6. “Fresh Off the Boat” Is Midseason’s Buzziest Comedy
    The new sitcom based on chef Eddie Huang’s memoir about moving to Orlando with first generation Taiwanese-American parents looks promising for the network, though it recently garnered some attention due to Huang’s critical first-person essay in New York Magazine. Things got off to an awkward start when one audience member asked, “I love the Asian culture, with the chopsticks and everything. Will there be more chopsticks?” But the panel deflected (not without making some jokes about the question later…) and talked about the show’s significance. “This show to me is historic,” Huang said. “I don’t think you’ve seen a TCA with this many Asian faces in a long time… or ever.”

    7. High Hopes for “American Crime”
    The 11-episode gritty crime drama is stacked with a stellar cast — Felicity Huffman, Timothy Hutton, Regina King, Benito Martinez, to name a few… And it comes from “12 Years a Slave” writer John Ridley. Ridley discussed how the show, which touches on issues of class, race, and gender as the investigation unfolds, reflects that of recent racially charged events. “When we originally started working on the show, there were times where we thought maybe we were not relevant anymore. Maybe we’ve moved past certain things. Then as the show was moving along, very sadly we realized that we were actually pre-dating some things. The reality is that unfortunately these events remain cyclical in this country.”

    8. “Agent Carter” / “Agents of SHIELD” Crossover?
    When asked about “Agent Carter” and “Agents of SHIELD” joining forces, producer Jeph Loeb hinted, “The safest thing I can say is, hashtag it’s all connected.” Yup — he actually used the word hashtag. BUT he kept quiet when it came to any crossovers related to the upcoming “Avengers: Age of Ultron” film.

    Stay tuned for more news from the Winter TCA panels as the week goes on!

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  • Revenge Season 4 Episode 11 Recap: ‘Back In Black’

    Daniel Grayson died during “Revenge’s” completely insane mid-season finale, an event so tragic that our holiday break was spent stuffing yule logs into our faces in mourning. In case you need a quick refresher, poor Daniel was wandering around the beach outside Emily Thorne’s house (as ya do) when he made the mistake of going inside only to get shot by corrupt FBI Agent Kate Taylor. The good news is that Jack “Worst Cop Ever” Porter showed up and killed Kate, but the bad news is that Daniel’s most definitely dead –– and now Victoria’s having a hysterical meltdown all over the place. In other words, it’s time for revenge!

    Emily Buries The Lead While David Buries The Body

    Lest you’ve forgotten due to one too many shots of holiday eggnog, David Clarke owes a bunch of money to a nefarious Canadian arms dealer named Malcolm Black, and the situation has only worsened now that Malcolm’s daughter (aka Agent Taylor) has been killed. Turns out her murder could cause Malcolm to go nuts and destroy everyone in The Hamptons, so David does what any dad would do: he forces Emily to babysit her arch nemesis (aka his lover Victoria) while he cleans up their mess. Too bad he doesn’t clean up his beard while he’s at it. Help us help you, buddy.

    Unfortunately, David’s plan isn’t without its flaws, because the entire Hamptons police force show up to question Emily. She’s forced to concoct a story wherein Daniel showed up drunk, smashed a planter through her window, and then attacked her –– forcing her to shoot him in self defense. Too bad Jack’s partner isn’t buying it. Officer Ben decides that there’s more to Emily’s story than meets the eye, so he questions his former crush about why Daniel didn’t have any defensive marks on his body. Oh, and he drops the bombshell that Danny Boy was about to be a dad. Feelings. So, does Officer Ben believe Emily’s story? That remains to be seen.

    Also, if you’re wondering what happened to Kate’s body, David shoves it in the back of the creepiest van ever and then dumps it in an undisclosed location. Good times!

    Nolan and Jack Geek Out And Save The Day… Almost

    Time To Check In On Nolan, who unlike everyone else on this show, hasn’t murdered anyone lately. Instead, our favorite billionaire spends this episode being super nerdy! Not only does Nols wipe Agent Taylor’s phone so Malcolm can’t find her, he snags the FAA locators for all of Malcolm’s private planes (which is apparently super useful). Meanwhile, Jack takes a break from being literally the worst policeman in the history of policemen to help Nolan clean out Agent Taylor’s hotel room, which means Emily’s tracks are officially covered!

    So, how’s Victoria doing now that her son has been murdered? Not good, but at least she’s not dead (remember when David tried to poison her last week?). This Queen Bee spends most of the episode mourning the loss of her child, but she does find time for some plotting and scheming (naturally!), and asks Southern socialite Louise Ellis to sneak into Nolan’s house and steal the incriminating envelope she’d given Agent Taylor a few weeks ago. Way to cover your stiletto tracks, Victoria!

    Of course, this episode doesn’t end with everything tied up in a neat bow –– far from it. Nolan learns that Malcolm has traveled to Miami, where it appears as though he’s promptly murdered thanks to David telling some mutual enemies about his arrival. Unfortunately, Malcolm is very much alive and makes a bee line for North Hampton where he wastes no time killing Detective Alvarez. So yeah –– we’re pretty sure he’s coming for Emily –– and he’s not alone. Even Margaux wants to see this girl dead as recompense for Daniel’s death! Watch your back, Miss Thorne, because M&M have a shiv with your name on it.

    And now for some burning questions….

    1. Will Margaux find out the truth about Daniel’s death? She certainly has the power to investigate….
    2. Seriously, how many more terrible decisions can Jack make before he’s fired?
    3. Will David Clarke eventually go through with his plan to kill Victoria?
    4. We’re worried about this Malcolm Black fellow… who will he stab in a random parking lot next?
    5. Will Ben find out the truth about Emily and sell her out to the police?
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